What? I don’t know your work situation. Where I work various groups go out to lunch together all the time. If he’s going out to lunch with someone else or not, just ask her. He described them as being friendly. Lunch is casual. At least where I work. Not creepy.
Keep in mind, we have the advantage of knowing the OP has ulterior motives. Thus making it creepy. Especially creepy when the woman gets halfway through lunch and realizes: “Oh shit, this guy wasn’t interested in a friendly lunch. He wants to bang me!”
Not only creepy, but awkward as well when that fact is realized.
I think you’re “over-creeping” this whole situation. I don’t think there’s anything creepy about a guy being attracted to a gal. I think the OP should just play it cool and friendly and don’t be shy. . . and he should keep looking elsewhere too.
I met my wife of 12 years at work. She was dating someone else at the time. Never say never.
ETA: we now have two wonderful kids and a wonder life together!
I’m curious about this. Have you ever run into a situation where you met somebody you were interested in and found they were ignoring your signals because they figured it was just your usual behavior?
With all due respect, maybe your creepy meter is dialed a little tight? People pursue relationships all the time, starting with small steps like lunch, with an ultimate goal of being a couple, and all that that entails (yes, including “banging”). I suspect your parents did too at some point in the past and here you are! Just because someone is interested in someone else doesn’t automatically make it “creepy”.
Sure, if the two people going out for a friendly lunch are BOTH single. Nothing at all creepy about that.
But if I had a crush a girl, I personally wouldn’t ask said girl, I knew to be otherwise attached, under the guise of, “Hey, I’m just looking for some friendly company.” Because that would be duplicit and yes, creepy.
And on the flip side of that, if a female coworker asked me to lunch, I would accept. And I would have every reason to believe said girl asking me doesn’t want anything more than just a friendly lunch, because all of my coworkers know I have a GF that I’m very well fond of.
And if I found out differently, I’d be put off to say the least.
To me, that’s a very “black and white” way of looking at human relationships. I think of things being much more grey. The OP just knows that he likes the girl. He can’t be sure that he really wants more until he knows more. I’ve had friendly relationships turn to intimate relationships. I just think, for most guys, its best to just stay friendly and casual, and slightly ambivalent, and see how things evolve.
To be honest, I’ve never been able to tell if I’m interested in a relationship with someone until I’ve had sex with them at least 3 or 4 times.
So, I don’t see how lunch is such a big deal.
No, because being a self directed human being, I’m capable of doing something direct, like asking them out - or telling them “hey, I like you in a romantic way” - which is what I did with my husband.
With him it was “how come we never dated” - and him saying “well, I didn’t think you would say yes if I asked you out” “well, I would.” And then he moved in and we got married and have celebrated 21 wedding anniversaries.
I have a great friendship with a guy I worked with for a decade. We were both married when we started working together, I believe we both felt a spark, but hey, MARRIED, and we became good friends - lunch date friends.
Nothing creepy provided we understand that …hey MARRIED means something to both of us. And not just my marriage means something to me - but my marriage is something he respects.
Except for the fact that she’s, you know, already involved with someone else? :dubious:
But she did not say she was involved. In fact, since she is involved but flirts with the OP without mentioning the boyfriend might mean she is ready to try something new.
Flirting and seeing her reaction seems the safest thing to do right now.
I don’t know about your company, but in mine dating a coworker does not violate any rules, nor does asking one out. Doing so repeatedly if she says no, however, does.
I have no opinion on if it is a good idea, but my old boss met his wife at work and has been married about 40 years.
Unless those folks you’re banging are prostitutes, three or four times means you ARE in a relationship with them, despite what you think.
I doubt this woman’s boyfriend would take news of friendly lunches with some guy with a crush on her so lightly. And he’d be in the right.
The OP should back off and find someone else for his attentions, pronto. His intentions for this woman are nowhere near plain friendliness, and he shouldn’t pretend that they are.
There is so much wrong with this post here, I don’t even know where to begin. But I’m going to forgo all that and ask you a serious question:
Let’s say the OP goes on a few “friendly” lunches with this girl. He likes what he sees. In fact, he LOVES what he sees. Now what?
He becomes friends with her. He gets to enjoy her company, she enjoys his.
Really, I’d have far fewer male friends if the ones who found me attractive wouldn’t go out to lunch or a movie with me.
Okay, that’s not how it works out for some people. The OP compared the girl to a fairy tale for crying out loud. I don’t get the sense this is a mild attraction that can easily be put to the back of one’s mind as they develop a healthy, platonic relationship.
I have attractive female friends that I can be friends with no problem. I’m able to do this, simply because the spark isn’t there.
OTOH, I’ve had a work place crush. Fortunately for me, I realized the feeling wasn’t mutual. The only way for me to regain any amount of sanity, was to put as much distance as I possibly could between me and her. Going out to lunch with her would have made it worse. Which, ironically, she probably would have accepted had I asked.
I don’t get how people like this function. What if you are a manager and suddenly fairy tale girl gets reorganized under you? Or is suddenly your boss? What happens when you get assigned project partners for a semester in college, and your partner makes your hands sweat - but you are going to be spending hours and hours together on your project? What if you are married and your wife’s best friend from college moves back into town and its fairy tale girl? Your best friends girlfriend? What if your a high school teacher and your brain reacts that way to one of your students?! Being able to turn off that “hey, I want you romantically (or sexually)” part of the brain and treat people you are attracted to like…I don’t know…people, even when you are attracted to them seems to be a fairly elementary survival skill in life.
But many people can compartmentalize relationships and not let crushes or feelings of attraction interfere with their everyday relationships. There are lots of women I know that I find attractive other than my wife that I interact with on a regular basis, but I’m not going to cross that boundary because of my commitment to my spouse. It’s pretty simple. But I don’t let my relationship with my wife, interfere with what are good friendships as well.
Well, for me, it’s easy. There isn’t a girl on this planet capable of making me pine for her because I’m so in love with my GF.
But back before I had my GF and was crushing on girl at work. I did what I had to do with girl. And sometimes, that even involved small talk. But one thing I did NOT do, is pursue relations outside of work.
IDK, I guess if you have that capability to flip a switch inside your brain and tell yourself: "Okay, I am no longer going to attracted to this girl as I try to develop a platonic relationship with her, more power to ya’ I guess.
All I know is, if I want to start up a friendship with the new guy John at work, I won’t be running to this message board asking you guys for advice. Nor will I be comparing him to a fairy tale.