I had cleaned my bathroom pretty well, and straightened up the living room. The kind of “I’m cleaning up a bit but you didn’t give me terribly much notice” cleaning. She knows my apartment is messy, and it still is, but I made sure the spots that her and I would be occupying that evening would be tidy.
I decided against making a fancy dinner (though I’m certainly capable of doing so) and I had gone with what I discussed with her Monday night: a pizza. It’s still in my freezer.
When I called her back last night I left a message basically saying “I thought you were going to call me for directions. Sorry for the miscommunication, talk to you later.”
I haven’t heard from her, and I was planning to treat this as a “ball in her court” situation. If she doesn’t contact me again, then we’re done, if she does, I’ll give it another shot. Is there much wrong with that? I feel like if I call her again at this point it will seem like I’m chasing after her.
To add an extra layer of complexity, I had already invited her to a group movie thingy on Friday night, and she accepted. Am I now bound to contact her with the rest of the details? (I don’t know the exact times or theater so I gave her a ballpark originally). Or, is it on her to call me and find out what the time and location is?
I also feel like it’d be not a little awkward for her to be there on Friday without first having a chance to get things straight. But I don’t want to retract the invitation just because of that.
If I were you, I’d wait for a phone call or email. At this point there’s 2 possibilities:
She was trying to blow you off. Mission accomplished. Now all she has to do is not email you or return your phone call.
She’s interested and is as disappointed as you are about this whole deal. Her stomach is also in knots because you didn’t call when you were supposed to (at least in her mind).
Now you’ve said you’re sorry for the miscommunication and made it clear you’d still like to get it together. If she wants to ignore you, then she will. If she wants to try again, she will. I think you’ve done all you can do, and any more will come off as desperate.
I wouldn’t worry about the movie deal on Friday until you hear back about this event. You can go to the movie thing by yourself, right?
A bunch of work friends are coming with me to the movie thing.
I’ve been getting conflicting advice. Some people say to call her once more, and you’re saying the ball is in her court now (which was my original sentiment). I guess I’ve got a few more hours to make a decision.
It sounds like you’re kind of wanting her to drive. Which is OK, but if you had plans for Friday I would be OK with calling to give her directions. If you like her. If you don’t, use this as a sneaky opportunity to break contact.
Possible-
She made a move that made you a bit uncomfortable. You showed this verbally or nonverbally. She, being intuitive, picked that up and backed off some, she thought the ball was in your court, you thought it was in hers. If she was sensitive about her overreaching, she probably was not going to call you and say, so when should I come over.
I’d give her a call about friday, and that will make it plain that you are into her (if you are). Then move forward. If it turns out that you have misread this whooooole thing, who the hell cares? You’re not out there too far. It’s not unusual that you call her at this point.
Try taking charge here, and suiting yourself. Do you think you want to learn more about this woman, maybe spend some time with her? If it was all a simple communication failure, you want it settled ASAP.
If you’re interested, call her today or Thursday about the Friday arrangement. If you are no longer interested, don’t call her.
If she blows you off, you’ve got an answer and you can move on.
This isnt’ rocket science. Decide what you want to do - see again or not? If so, pick up the phone already and call her to make arrangements. She’ll either go with it or not - if not, fine - you’ve got your answer. If yes, fine - you’ve got your answer.
There’s a pretty wide area between “let me heat up some frozen pizza” and “flowers & wine & coffee, etc.”
He’s not looking to blow her away, but if she’s coming over for a movie at 9:30, even some home-made nachos or nice cheese & crackers shows a little more class than a frozen pizza without freaking her out.
Normally I would agree, but the whole thing smacked of informality to me. I’d have been happy to make her herbed salmon with capers & shallots with a balsamic vinegar & goat cheese salad, if this was a second or third date. When she asked herself over my place so early on, it caught me off guard, and kind of made me want to cut back on fanciness.
I would like to get this straightened out, and I don’t know if she, again, is expecting me to call her. She still hasn’t answered the voice mail I left last night, but it was kind of vague, and I’m sure my disappointed tone bled through.
I’ll call her. Once more. I’ll ask if she’s still coming Friday and if she’s interested in a do-over for Tuesday. I’ll leave a message if she doesn’t answer. After that, it’s all her.
Heh, I really wish I had been reading this thread when you called me last night. Some of the images it conjures are golden. What I get for too much work and not enough SDMB, I s’pose.
(the good hats, incidentally, was my housemate for two years in college.)
I might suggest:
Hit yourself over the head with the pizza. Frozen?
One more call. Short and sweet. I know what your voice mails can get like.
Live Free, Die Hard, and enjoy the movie regardless of what ends up happening with the rest of this all.
(Also, without getting too much into things here, you’re not going to have a guest next Tuesday - re: the do-over day that you mentioned?)
Maybe She Likes Chili
(But I’d Say Sticking to a Real Pizza is Pretty Safe),
-K.
If, in your voicemail, you actually said “talk to you later”…she’s going to be waiting for you to call her. That statement doesn’t mean “Please call me back, I’m waiting by the phone for your call”, it means, “I will call and talk to you later”
I’m sure I could find something harder in my fridge.
I called, she picked up and hung up immediately, following up with a text message saying: “At work.” My voice mails are rarely as long as they used to be, anyhow
That’s for Friday, and yeah, I intend to enjoy it.
(The “for Tuesday” was referencing yesterday’s failed attempt at a date, which was Tuesday, I don’t much care when a do-over would be, but I do agree that it’s unlikely. I sent her a reply to which she hasn’t replied yet, I suppose we’ll see).
If we end up seeing each other again, I’d much rather it be somewhere neutral. Also, who doesn’t like chili?
Also, you’re a jerk, and damn I miss college sometimes.
Also, I’m still not done Oblivion, and I’m doing it to spite you.
