Honest to god, Alice. Please stop implying that I (and others who advocate standing up for oneself) are somehow not human. I don’t find that to be very kind nor caring nor compassionate as you say you are.
I don’t advocate cruelty. I do advocate protecting your own mental health above all else. If the OP can’t in good conscience kick her out, I can accept that. But I would implore him, again, to not hang around with her in the days before she leaves. It simply is not healthy. I believe it would be very destructive to him, and needlessly so.
Well, she’s obviously not very bright, and she’s been unemployed for… what, six months? Therefore, probably broke. Assuming you were on the street and broke, do you actually think you’d be able to find a homeless shelter in a strange city?
Is there any reason why you can’t pack her things and take her to a cheap motel and pay for her room in advance for the next 10 days? Then change your locks. Take her name off anything you had it on.
If she won’t go for that, have the phones and internet cut off or locked down so she can’t use them. Cable box goes to work with you. You eat out. She sleeps on the sofa. She will probably opt for the cheap hotel.
Alice the Goon is right that you can’t legally just kick her out on the street because she isn’t a squatter, she was an authorized occupant of your home. Anyone who does just throw out someone risks the tables being turned on them and legal action. People who get away with it are just a version of lucky. It mostly backfires.
Generally, if you invite someone for an overnight or weekend stay and they refuse to leave, you can have them put out by the police or change the locks and not let them in again.
If you invite someone to live with you, they can go one of three ways; ask them to leave and they make arrangements to do so, or depending on where you live, it could be treated as a tenant situation and fall under those laws or turn into a civil action (usually) called an ejectment action.
I’d think I could call any of a dozen people who would send me some money to use. I’d also bet she has plenty of stuff she could sell to cover the cost of a bus ticket. Aren’t they only like $20?
deleted crap not really pertinent to this thread ;p
Bottom line, Neo has to live with his conscience. Were I in his shoes, I doubt I could just kick her out onto the streets, either. I definitely wouldn’t be sleeping with her, she’d enjoy the comfort of my couch. I’d be sure my account passwords were all changed. I’d then make the best of it until she leaves.
Hang in there. Continue to trust in yourself. It will get better, you will get past this hurt, and eventually, get over it. Sounds simple, and it is, it just ain’t easy!
A bus ticket across the country is a lot closer to $200. And there’s a good chance that she doesn’t have that much stuff.
I didn’t mean to sound so self-righteous before, but I started picturing this girl as my own daughter, of which I have none but I do have sons. I’m thinking she’s probably very young, scared, maybe not that bright but with certainly no big job skills, and can’t find a job, or friends, in a strange city far away from anything she’s ever known- yes she did make a stupid mistake and she does need to go home, but I don’t know that I want to be mean to her, without knowing her side of the story.
Look, you need to get her out of your house ASAP. That don’t mean you need to kick her into the gutter, but she sure as hell can’t stay with you. So get online, buy her an airplane ticket back home leaving tomorrow, pack up all her stuff, and hand her the ticket. She doesn’t have to use the ticket, but she does have to get out. Heck, if she’s got a lot of stuff throw in taxi fare to the airport tomorrow.
How is this any cheaper and less inconvenient than just packing her bags and buying her a ticket home forthwith?
To the o.p.: Don’t look at this situation as an opportunity for vengeance, or trying to make the most of the last few days with her, or an opportunity to rekindle the eternal flame of love, or however anyone else is trying to characterize it to suit their own preconceptions. View this as emergency surgery, or a critical business decision. Figure out what you need to do in order to tie off the situation, how much it’s going to cost you financially versus how much further pain and humiliation you’re willing to endure, and then pull out your checkbook and put in the dollar amount that is going to remove her from your life as soon as possible. It’s not even about taking the high road and living up to your own standards (though you should do that, too) but cauterizing a hemorrhaging arterial wound and starting the reconstructive emotional surgery that will leave you able to stop malingering and move on with your life. Every day she spends in your apartment with you waiting for her to change her mind is just another day that the wound is festering without treatment.
The best revenge is living well, and everybody else envies you for it; especially those who lie, cheat, and bounce from one dysfunctional situation to another. Rise above it and move on.
To tell you the truth, Neo, if I wasn’t married I would be Dopercrushing on you hard core right now, because that’s about the sexiest freaking thing any human being can say.
You’re not going to have any problem at all finding good love. None at all. All you have to do is make sure next time that you choose someone like you.
I’m not sure exactly where you are located or where in IL (It’s IL, right?) she’s going and this thread is too big to dig around for it while I’m at work, so I priced Burbank to Chicago on Amtrak for tonight: Under $250
Los Angeles to Chicago on Greyhound: Under $200
This sounds like it might be a very viable option. Shoot, I might even call her parents, explain the situation, and ask that they purchase her a ticket because she’s no longer welcome.
I know you still love her, but this is truly the best way to show it. You’re respecting her decision to leave and you’re showing her that in the real world, choices have consequences.
The OP is 33. His girlfriend is likely a grown ass woman who screwed up, big time. If she’s scared, it’s because she knows she fucked up. Either because she was caught or because she cheated on him.
This. Airplane ticket is probably better than a week’s rent at a motel is probably better than just avoiding the hell out of her until she leaves. All of which are better than interacting with her more than absolutely necessary.
As someone who has a son that makes sometimes questionable (read: WTF) decisions, I would not expect his girlfriend to put him up in her place after this behavior. And if he were in the OP’s position, I’d wire the money to bus her ass home IMMEDIATELY.
I agree that she needs to leave. If I were the OP, the OP’s mother, or the girlfriend’s mother, I’d buy the ticket myself if I had to. It’s going to be much better for the OP when she’s gone. No argument there.
Fine, we’re in agreement. OP, you’ve heard the verdict. If you’ve read the SDMB ToS you’d know that you’re bound by our decisions.
Buy her a bus/train ticket home, give her a day or two if need be to gather her shit or whatever. She should be happy that you’re paying for her trip home. But her presence is poisonous.
I’ve witnessed this opera too many times and even been on stage in it once not nearly long enough ago.
I’ve also just skimmed the thread so someone else may have mentioned this already. It’s even odds that six months down the road she’ll discover that she’s made a huge mistake and her new knight in shining armor is just another guilded layabout. Now she wants to come back to her true love.
Be prepared for how you want to handle that conversation. Hint: That ship has sailed and she was at the train station.
I found a 1 way ticket from Burbank to O’Hare for $209 on Expedia. Air travel is almost always cheaper than the train, and often cheaper than the bus.
I my book, it would be worth $250 (including the cab ride to the airport, cause you ain’t driving her) to avoid two weeks of this person living in my house.
