Goddammit...why do men,esp MY man,have to be so stubborn?

CorvetteGuy related to me (and his overprotective mother…but she’s another rant entirely)that for the last week or so he’s been having a slight problem breathing and that he’s been overtired.The overtired I chalk up to stress from work(he’s a retail mgr) because of the long hours he’s been working thanks to the holidays. But the breathing problems I cannot shrug off and we had a huge fight about it last night on the way home from his 'rents home. I told him if he didn’t call a Dr. by Mon or Tues of next week I sure as hell would because I’m worried about him. He said one guy in his dept got sent home about 2 weeks ago and it turned out he had pneumonia and bronchitis. For all I know,CorvetteGuy could have walking pneumonia or something and die and where the FUCK would that leave me? I am really scared for him and maybe I am overdoing the worrying but what the fuck am I supposed to do? He’s just shrugging it off saying he’ll get better without the help of a doctor but I don’t quite believe him. I’m sorry if I sound like the typical whiny hen-pecking wife but I love and care deeply about this man. I had a dream last night he died and I was left all alone,which is one of my biggest fears. I wouldn’t know what to do without him…I suck at finances and I’d be broke and homeless because I can’t figure out how to balance a checkbook or make sure bills are paid. That’s all his area in our relationship and I’m glad he does it. I really appreciate him keeping us out of financial hot water and I tell him so all the time. I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn, other than the fact that HE might be worried about what it might be and isn’t telling me. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done that. Ugh. I am so nervous…what if it IS pneumonia? What if he dies on me? Oh god…I don’t even want to THINK about that right now.

IDBB(the worry-wart)

Because your “men” are badboys! :wink:

But he’s not a ‘bad boy’. I love the bad boys but I married the quintessential ‘Prince Charming".He was on Student Council, made National Honor Society,graduated in the top quarter of his HS class and was nominated for "Who’s Who’ while in college. He’s a mama’s boy(to an extent) and he came from an upper middle class family. He is anything BUT bad.:slight_smile:



For one thing, guys are notoriously loathe to go to the doctor. For an excellent example of a guy’s attitude toward most personal injuries, see “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” Concentrate on the scene with King Arthur and the Black Knight. (“Your arm’s off!” “No it isn’t.” “What’s that, then?” “It’s just a flesh wound.”)

In the second place, you seem to be going waaaay down a road that isn’t even on your map yet. I realize I don’t have all the information at hand, but your husband is having a “slight problem breathing” and you’re already dreaming about his death and worrying about what you’ll do when he’s gone?

Having said that, he really should visit the doctor. Tell him it’s very unlikely the doctor will want to do a proctological exam based on breathing difficulty. Maybe that will help.

Uh, with apologies if this sounds harsh – he’s a grownup. He can make his own medical decisions. Anyway, unless there are other medical problems, he’s probably not going to keel over without warning.

You’re a grownup too. You can learn how to balance a checkbook and pay the bills (and even though he’s not going to keel over without warning, you do need to know this stuff, which is hardly rocket science, so I’d suggest you stop worrying and start reading up on basic money management).

Good luck. Hope the husband’s OK.

Thank you Sauron…:slight_smile:
He told me last night that his chest hurts when he breathes,which worries me the most. I took his temp as soon as we got home,which was normal. He’s afraid when he goes to the mean old nasty doctor, they’ll want to take blood. Poor baby.:frowning:
I’m sorry if my worrying is a bit excessive but I have an intense fear(phobia?) of being abandoned(:rolleyes:gee thanks mom and dad) and even the THOUGHT of his being gone just literally scares the poop outta me.:frowning:


For Porpentine–actually, when you have a math-related learning disorder like I do,balancing a checkbook IS rocket science.:slight_smile: I realize he’s a grownup and can make his own medical decisions. I"m just his wife. I’m not supposed to be concerned about the health of the man I plan to be with for the rest of my life.:rolleyes:


A marriage is a partnership. You don’t get to make your own decisions anymore. You have to decide things as a team. Mrs. H and I “make” each other do things all the time.


IDBB, I have had the same kind of argument with my husband…

Why don’t you ask him to set a time limit, i.e. “Just to get you off my back, if I don’t feel better in two days, I’ll go to the doctor.”

In return, you have to promise not to nag him about it. And really don’t nag him. Wait the two days (or whatever) and mention it again, nicely.

This seemed to work for me the last time El Hubbo turned into a five-year old with chest pain. He’s fine now.

Good luck, sweetie.

Your concern for your husband’s well being is respected and understood. If I may play outhouse psychologist for a moment, he needs to realize his responsibility to himself as your significant other, and to your ankle biters, presuming you have or plan for them. Beyond that, despite your learning difficulties, you need to make contingency plans. Having worked in a hospital emergency room, and as a former paramedic, there are no guarantees of a moment beyond now for any of us. Off soapbox. I wish you both well.

GfH…I had NO idea what was going on with Corvette guy until last night when he said something to his mother. The only reason I hollered (boy don’t that make me a redneck…I didn’t yell,I hollered:rolleyes:) at him is because he deliberately didn’t tell me which made me pissed at him. If he keeps this kind of thing from me now…well…I won’t even THINK about the other kinds of things he could try and hide from me later.:frowning:


Jeez…that is sad and/or pathetic…

You must be single,Baron, because it’s true. I don’t make a single IMPORTANT(ie…buying white bread vs wheat bread,which video to rent,etc)without consulting CorvetteGuy first.If you were married,you’d know that.

Right. Since nobody gets to make their own decisions anymore, set a doctor’s appointment for him and tell him about it.

Baron, when you partner with someone, you make a commitment that includes the idea that big decisions are shared. What each of you does can have huge impact on the other. Marriage isn’t “roommates that fuck”.

IDBB, how can you even wonder if you are being overly concerned when your man can’t breathe and his chest hurts? This is not even close to being ok, particularly if he doesn’t have any other run-of-the-mill-respiratory-illness symptoms like runny nose, headache, fever, etc. If he seems perfectly fine except for the fact that his lungs aren’t working properly, this is no small matter and your concern is very justified. I think the suggestion to agree to a time limit and then he goes is a sound one.

Fear of learning that there is a real problem can make people avoid the doctor and result in a real correctable problem becoming an uncorrectable problem. You need to impress upon him that his commitment to you includes caring for his health.

And Porpentine is right, you need to deal with your math-learning disorder and learn to take care of these things.

Actually, what’s pathetic is your ignorance on the matter. A marriage license is a legal document. That means, for example, that in absense of another legal document such as a prenuptual agreement you are tied together financially by law. Your credit is one and the same. Another example is that I cannot choose to make anyone other than my wife my life insurance beneficiary without her express permission by law.

Aside from that there is the small matter of mutual respect. I can go off on a Boy’s weekend if I want to but I’m not just going to leave without telling Mrs. H or plan it without making sure that it fits in with her schedule. We discuss all big purchaces and investment decisions because we are a team.

Really, Baron, it is you whose attitude is sad and/or pathetic, immature too. I hope that you grow up a bit before you find your life partner, for their sake.


Please read what I wrote again but this time actually try to understand it.


“If I have to explain it, you can’t get it.” :smack:

OK. Fair enough. “You don’t get to make your own decisions” means that you don’t make unilateral decisions anymore because you are now in a partnership both legally and morally. That means that when one partner wants you to do things, you don’t refuse, at least not without making a serious attempt at compromise first. It means that you don’t get to do whatever you want whenever you want because your decisions have a large effect on your partner’s life so they must take part in those decisions too. It doesn’t mean, as cornflakes indicated, that you get to make decisions on the other’s behalf since that, obviously, would violate the first thing that I said.


IDBB, I think you’re married to my fiancee’s twin. She had possible fluid in her abdominal cavity and refused to go get antibiotics to ward off a possible case of peritonitis.

:confused: A small thing to do, doesn’t harm you if turns out to be unnecessary, and if it is it could save your life. But she persisted, all right. Would not go to a doctor. Drove me crazy, I was so scared and worried and all that.

She’s fine now, but still:(