It was Little Nemo’s comment in post 35 of this thread that got me thinking about “easier said than done” type advice.
Little Nemo - “…I don’t turn on many straight women and I’m trying to do that.” (emphasis mine)
It has been my experience that whenever I have tried to find a woman either I became invisible to the entire sex or grow grotesquely deformed in some way that only I can’t see. It seems that only when I have fallen into what I call “asexual limbo” (gone so long without, no prospects, libido goes comatose) that I fall into a girlfriend.
As soon as I stop trying I succeed.
So good but paradoxical advice - stop looking for a partner and you’ll likely have more luck.
I was recently vasectomized - thankfully the Doctor chose to use anaesthetic rather than pulling a Torquemada routine :D. When he was approaching my tenders with an admittedly small needle I tensed, all over.
When I tense up any slight touch makes me spasm (not in the fun way). Needle touches skin, body violently and involuntarily jerks back - I’m broaching 40, I’m well aware of what scrotums and invasive objects result in. Doctor and nurse tell me to relax.
So good but paradoxical advice - When people are putting sharp things into you and you anticipate lots of pain, just relax.
Can anyone think of any others?
P.S. TMI and TLDR
[spoiler] When I had my piles removed the surgeon told me he was going to administer the freezing and produced a syringe with a red tip. The needle part had to have been three or four inches long and I had a pretty good idea what he was planning to do with it.
So he gets down where I can’t see him - but thanks to the power of imagination I can still vividly see the beast he brought with him. He touches me to prepare to inject and I shoot back like someone was about to stick a quarter foot of sharp steel up my ass.
“Relax” says the surgeon. “Relax” says the nurse. “I’m trying” says the victim.
Lather rinse repeat. Add growing three-way frustration.
“If you just relax it will be easier” Almost in stereo.
“I’m TRYING but that thing’s huge!”
Nurse: Doctor, I think he saw the red one.
Me: Yeah!!!
Doctor [resigned sigh as his head emerges from between my legs. He is holding a syringe with a blue tip hosting a needle that might possibly rival the stinger of a poorly endowed bee.] This is the freezing.
Me: Yeah, fine, cool, yay! [victim relaxes to a degree reminiscent of one who has just learned that his thumbs won’t be removed, merely crushed] [/spoiler]
Zeke