A Higgs boson is on vacation in Rome and decides to visit St Peter’s. But the Pope stops it and says, “You can’t come in here. You call yourself the God particle and that’s blasphemy.” The Higgs boson answers, “Keep me out if you want. But without me you won’t have any Mass.”
I had already heard a bit shorter version of it, but I like yours better.
Who’s there?
A nihilist.
A nihilist, who?
…what’s the point…
Some people are ignorant about anatomy. Just today, I had to explain to someone that there is a vas deferens between a testicle and a penis.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
To
To who?
It’s “to WHOM”!
Don’t get it.
Sounds like this might be the return of “Control Freak”–as in, “Now you say ‘Control Freak Who!’”
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’ The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.
The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.
You’re going to love the Dad’s reply:
‘Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?’
A new vicar is about to take his first service, he’s in the vestry going over his sermon and he is wondering if he is properly dressed, but there is no mirror. “Dear me,” he frets, “if only there were a glass here!”. The verger hears this and slips out.
A minute later back comes the verger. “Here’s a whole bottle,” he mutters, “all I had to do was mention your name.”
Google Question: “Which is worse; Ignorance or Apathy?”
Google Answer: “I don’t know and I don’t care!”
24 hours in a day. 24 bottles of beer in a case. Coincidence?
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.
Blonde cop: May I see your drivers license?
Blonde driver: What does it look like?
Blonde cop: Well, it is rectangular and has your picture.
The blond driver frantically searches her purse and pulls out a rectangular mirror and hands it to the blonde cop.
The blond cop looks at the mirror and replies, “I am sorry, I didn’t know you were an officer”.
Wasn’t this blonde joke done just a while upthread?
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
When they are that good, they are worth repeating.
Blonde jokes? I like this one:
A sorority chick is watching her roommate get ready for bed after coming back from a hot date.
“Hey,” she says. “What’s that ‘M’ on your belly?”
“Oh,” says the roommate, “that’s from Brad. He likes to wear his letter sweater while we do it. It leaves a little rash for a day or so.”
“Huh!” says the first chick. “I didn’t know he’s at the University of Minnesota.”
“He isn’t,” says the roommate. “He’s at the University of Wisconsin.”
Jewish Christmas vacation… :rolleyes:
What do you get when you cross the Titanic with the Atlantic?
About halfway.
Translation, please! 
Not sure what needs to be translated here. A vicar is a clergyman. A verger is an assistant who helps run the church.
The vicar is getting ready for his first service and wanted to check his appearance in the mirror. He asked the verger for a mirror, referring to it as a glass. The verger misunderstood and thought he was asking for a glass of alcohol.
Thanks, Nemo. I thought just “vicar” and (especially) “verger” we’re giving me trouble, but now I see “glass” was, too (it never means “mirror” over here on the left side if the pond).