Two blondes were building a house. One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into it.
“Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?”
“Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it. If it is facing away from the House, it’s defective and I throw it away.”
"You idiot, those nails aren’t defective, they are for the other side of the house.
Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman’s foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention.
“Look, Martha,” her friend said. “he wants to go home with you!”
Little Johnny walks in on his mother while she’s in the bath. With eyes wide he points to the area between her legs and says “Mummy?!? What’s that?”.
Mummy thinks he isn’t quite old enough to hear the facts of life just yet, so she says “That? Oh, that’s where Daddy hit me with the axe, by accident one day”.
“Gee, that must have hurt, Mommy!” says little Johnny " Right in the cunt !".
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
‘‘Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I’m afraid that you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places that I’ve never grown hair before.’’
The doctor reassured her, ‘‘A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?’’
‘‘On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about…,’’ replied the lady.
Q. What do you get when you mix Viagra and Rogain?
I know this thread’s old (I could start a joke thread if the mods would rather close this one) but someone told this one to me a while ago.
A woman is driving down a road and listening to the radio. The broadcaster says “Be careful driving on the road, there’s a lunatic going really fast.” So she calls her husband and says, “I was listening to the news and they said to be careful driving because there’s a lunatic driving really fast on the road.” Her husband says “What do you mean? The road’s full of them!”
…Morwen, what’s considered “bad form” (of sorts and depending on the circumstances) is answering a thread when the last post is old enough to attend school. The date of the first post in it is completely irrelevant.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!”
The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “Urinate… But if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”
A guy walks into a bar, settles in, and after a few drinks asks the barkeep “Hey, wanna hear an ethnic joke?”
The bartender, who is a huge man covered with muscles looks him over. “Well son, just so you know, I’m ethnic. And the guy next to you at the bar is ethnic. And see the guys at the next table? They’re all ethnic too. In fact, everyone in here is ethnic because this is an ethnic bar, established by my ethnic grandfather back in 1947. Now knowing all that, are you still sure you want to tell that ethnic joke?”
The man smiles and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tell it slowly.”
Alright I’m getting really confused here…can someone please explain what they mean? I asked a question along the same lines a few posts up but didn’t get an answer.
