Why’d the other monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.
“But now I’m marrying a lawyer and I’m sure I’m going to get screwed.”
Weirddave, you’ve piqued my interest.
sigh
Okay, so a man walks into a bar. (ouch) Steps up to the bartender and orders nine tequilas. “Whoa!” says the bartender. “You must have had a rough day! What happened?”
“I just found out my older brother is gay,” the man replies. He and the bartender commiserate for a while, and eventually the man staggers out of the bar and back to his home.
The next day, the man walks into the bar again. Steps up to the bartender and orders nine tequilas. “What is it this time, friend,” the bartender asks.
“I just found out my younger brother is gay.” The two sit there talking about how terrible this is, and eventually, the man gets up and staggers on back to his house.
The next day, the man walks into the bar yet again, and orders nine more tequilas. “Jesus!” exclaims the bartender. “Doesn’t ANYONE in your family like women?”
“Yeah: my wife.”
A small town church once decided to set up a war memorial. One day, as the preacher was walking by, he noticed that little Johnny was looking at the memorial. He walked over.
“What’s this?”, little Johnny asked.
“It’s the memorial to all the people who died in the service.”
“Oh. Did they die during the 9:00 service or the 10:30 service?”
Two penguins are in a bath tub full of rocks. The first penguin says to the second “Pass the ketchup!!!” and the second responds, “What do I look like, a typewriter?!?”
[sub]Ok, so I thought it was funny…[/sub]
uhhh…whooooosh!
will someone please explain this to me?
it’s a “no-joke” joke. it’s desighned to make you laugh in an automatic reaction, but when you think about it, you go, “heyyyyyy… wait a minute…” and realize it wasn’t funny. they work better if told face to face.
well, that or the joke went WAYYY over my head.
[sub]P.S.: wierddave, i want to know your joke too. (Erc50@aol.com)
Two men are out hunting, and one of them clutches his chest, screams in pain and falls to the ground motionless.
The second guy whips out his cellphone in a panic and calls 911. When the operator answers he immediately launches into a paniced explanation: “My friend, he grabbed his chest, he’s not moving, he’s dead, ohmigod, he’s DEAD!!”
The operator tries to relax him, and says “okay, calm down now, calm down and we’ll see what we can do. First, make sure he’s really dead.”
There’s a pause on the phone, and then the operator hears a gunshot. Two seconds later the man returns and asks “Okay, now what?”
In high school, this was one of the “only funny when you’re stoned” jokes.
That being the case… Lady Juliet better pass the peace pipe. 
Another request for the joke. Please post it.
I got a better one
If you’re driving down the road in a canoe, and your wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?
The answer is red because icecream doesn’t have bones.
The answer is also red because moterccles don’t have doors.
Company (Anti) Motivation Posters
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If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a
better company someday. -
It’s only unethical if you get caught.
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The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
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We put the “k” in “kwality”
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If something doesn’t feel right, you’re not feeling the right thing.
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Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!
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A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
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ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.
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We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work!
We are union members! -
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
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Your job is still better than asking “You want fries with that?”
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If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
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At least you’re not being rectally probed by aliens.
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Never quit until you have another job.
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
If it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.
Since several people asked…well, I dunno if the is the WORSE joke I know, but it comes to mind, it’s offensive on a lot of levels…
2 nuns are walking through Central Park late one night. 2 guys jump out of the bushes and begin to brutally rape them. One nun looks piously to heaven and says “Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing”. The other nun looks over and says “oooooohhhhh, My Gawwd! Mine sure does!”.
I warned you.
That was the worste one you know ?
o.k. wanna know a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud!
The Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ‘‘Hey, we have a drink
named after you!’’
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ‘‘You have a drink named Steve?’’
JOKE OF THE HOUR
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
uh, wierddave, that joke was pretty tame, especially compared to the other thread called “Good Jokes”. that place is full of jokes that entail nuns riding bikes without the seats on! i thought you, of all people, would have a good and sick joke for all of us…
you’ve lost the touch, man. its so terribly sad, to see one fall from grace… i cry. i cry.