You’re flying down the road in your canoe at 70 cows a minute, and you start running out of gas, so you pull into a gas station. How many donuts does it take to get to the moon?
None, because chickens don’t have lips.
If a canoe pulled up in your backyard and loses all four wheels how many pancakes would it take to fill a cathouse?
None, marshmellows don’t have bones.
If there are two trains, one heading west at 50 miles per hour, and the other heading east at 70 miles per hour, how many orange peels could you fit on a golf ball?
None, because everybody knows that frogs don’t eat pizza on Thursdays.
What is the difference between a duck?
Sponges, because firetrucks have wheels.
How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse?
None. Alligators can’t fly.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Not really a joke, but it’s at least mildly amusing:
Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Thursday, which is Good Friday, we’re having a Father’s Day party for mother’s only. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull out a chair and sit on the floor.
Late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, pulled out their swords and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise, got up and shot the twice dead boys. If you don’t believe me, ask the blind man who saw it all, through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
Gotta love High Times…
DISCLAIMER: This is a horrible, awful, no good, very bad joke. If you feel that your sensibilities might be violated by a horrible, awful, no good, very bad joke, read no further. Seriously.
One day a duck was walking along when he met an owl. Says the owl to the duck, “Why the long face?” The duck replies, “I don’t know what I am!!” “Well,” said the owl, “You have a bill, webbed feet, and you quack. You must be a duck!” Happy with the answer, the duck goes on his way.
Later that day a chicken was walking along when he met the same owl. Says the owl to the chicken, “Why are you crying?” The chicken sobbed, “I don’t know what I am!!” “Well,” said the owl, “You have a beak, feathers, and you lay eggs. You must be a chicken!” Happy with the answer, the chicken goes on her way.
The next day a skunk was walking along when he happened upon the owl. Says the owl to the skunk, “You look sad. What’s wrong?” The skunk cried, “I don’t know what I am!!” “Well,” said the owl, “You aren’t black, you aren’t white, and you smell like shit. You must be a Mexican!”