The bad news is, none of your co-workers like you, so they change the results so someone who’s company they enjoy can win.
The good news is, you win a blue ribbon.
The bad news is, they pierce your nipple while pinning it on.
The good news is, they have antiseptic.
The bad news is, you’re allergic, and your nipple swells up ten times its normal size.
The good news is, you get in Guiness for “Largest Human Nipple on a Live Person.”
The bad news is you’ve now gone from normal, to a one sided, 76DDD cup to house your new nipple. And you’re a guy.
The good news is, You’ve now become Victoria Secret’s New poster boy.
The bad news is you’re constantly getting hit on my members of Congress.
The good news is you bought a new DVD player.
The bad news is you fell for the extended warranty.
The good news is you caught a fish.
The bad news is, 2 minutes later, the fish caught you.
The good news is you found Waldo.
The bad news is that it was the first time ever and you’ve been trying for the past 43 years.
The good news is that now you get to move onto books with words in them.
The bad news is the words are in Tibetan.
The good news is your next door neighbor is Richard Gere.
The bad news is, your pet gerbils are terrified of him.
The good news is, you’ve won two tickets to Hawaii!
The bad news is, it’s the town of Hawaii, Nevada.
The good news is, they make great ribs there.
The bad news is, the trip will be by boat – and you’ll be rowing.
The good news is, you’ll be 50 pounds lighter and very fit.
The bad news is, you’ll gain 100 punds by eating the ribs.
The good news is, you’ve been appointed Speaker of the House…
the bad news is, it’s the Waffle House.
The good news is, your parents are very proud.
The bad news is…of your brother.
The good news is, you have a case of beer.
The bad news is, it’s a case of root beer.
The good news is you’ve finally invented the warp drive engine.
The bad news is its Pabst Blue Ribbon.
The good news is the hot chick next door LOVES Pabst.
The bad news is you’d already taken off in your warp drive engine when you found out about the hot chick.
The good news is you’re getting an extra week of vacation this year.
The bad news is that you must take it in Newark.
The good news is, you’ve met the only good biographer of Jean Harlow…
The bad news is you have to spend it cleaning your nan’s toilet.
The good news is, that nasty incident with the tuna is well and truely behind you.