The bad nes is “plank with a nail in the end” is the newest, most virulent STD.
The good news is, it makes you eloquent and irresistible to chicks…
The bad news is it also makes you gay.
The good news is that they’re working on a cure…
The bad news is that this in turn makes the chicks eloquent and irresistible to other men, who you aren’t strong enough to battle off.
The good news is, you’re even more irresistible slightly wounded.
The bad news is, you’re slightly wounded on the groin.
The good news is, you’ve read “DIY patchwork meets DIY surgery”
The bad news is that it makes you more irresistable to the predators chasing you, as they like to target the elderly, weak and infirm.
The good news is that you’re doing your part to ensure the survival of the herd.
(bah, simulpost)
The bad news is that you now have FRANKENPENIS!
The good news is that there are people who will pay good money for a peek at your unique organ.
The bad news is that you can’t make it play.
The good news is that your attorney has finally reached settlement.
The bad news is, he’s settled on the bottom of lake.
The good news is, you’ve taught a monkey to knife-fight.
The bad news is that now instead of just flinging feces at you, he’s hurling deadly morningstars in your direction.
The good news is he’s almost out of sharp pointy things to throw.
The bad news is his aim with his feces is equally deadly.
The good news is you have a compost pile and have persuaded him to hurl his feces there.
The bad news is the compost pile is under your bedroom window.
The good news is the gansta country version of Disco Duck has just been released.
The bad news is that he was just released from prison and is looking for you.
The good news is, he’s just a duck
The bad news is it’s 9 feet tall and superintelligent
The good news is that it doesn’t hate you anymore
The bad news is that it will blow your house up anyway.
The good news is, you’re travelling by train…
The bad new is that “travelling by train” is the new metaphor for being first in line on the all gay naked congo line.
The good news is that you’ve dressed like a woman tonight
The bad news is the woman you’re dressed like is Carmen Electra.
The good news is that trailer trash chic is all the rage in Milan (and the East Village).
The bad news is, you still live in Oklahoma.
The good news is, you found two plane tickets to Milan.
The bad news is, it’s Milan, Oklahoma.
The good news is, Oklahoma is gorgeous this time of year.
The bad news is, your mother-in-law lives there.
The good news is, you’ve discovered a fascinating new principle in quantum mechanics, which makes you a Nobel Prize contender.
The bad news is your lose to a boy genius named Will Hunting.
The good news is Matt Damon likes and your now dating.