The bad news is Chocolate Cake now has a thing for Matt Damon and steals him from you.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake is now over you completely.
The bad nes is, STANDING over you. For “goodbye sex.” VIOLENT “goodbye sex.”
The good news is, you can catch a rickshaw ride home.
The bad news is, you have to be the driver.
The good news is, the passenger in the rickshaw doesn’t weigh 200 pounds…
The bad news is, she weighs 300 pounds. (duh!)
The good news is, she’s 15 feet tall, so it’s all proportional.
The bad news is you’re 4’8"
The good news is the popcorn at the movies is free tonight
The bad news is your date eats it all.
The good news is, you think popcorn’s awful anyway. Which it is.
The bad news is, you say that in front of the Chairman of the Popcorn Salesmen of America.
The good news is, he’s a Quaker, and won’t kill you…
The bad news, is he will spend the next four hours trying to convert you to Quakerism, and to develope a love of popcorn.
The good news is that you get a whole bunch of colorful Quaker and pro-corn pamphlets–free!
The bad news is he followed you home and keeps dropping by with new brochures.
The good news is you’re using them to paper the family room.
The bad news is they’re extremely flammable and you have to put random fires out every 20 minutes.
The good news is you may have stumbled upon a new source of combustion.
The bad news is that ‘Chocolate Cake’ wants to help with your research, whether you want him there or not. Watch your ears.
The good news is that your face isn’t on one of the playing cards distributed to soldiers in Iraq.
The bad news is Nintendo used your likeness in the upcoming sequel to Mike Tyson’s Punchout, causing millions of people to think you’re gay.
The good news is, the millions of people aren’t far from the truth.
The bad news is those millions of people all belong to Westboro Baptist Church and are coming after you with torches and pitchforks.
The good news is they haven’t yet figured out where you live.
The bad news is, your home address and phone number are printed in the end credits of the game, which is released tommoorw.
The good news is, you’re closing on a brand new house tommorow afternoon.
The bad news is that its built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
The good news is you think you’ve discovered a portal into another dimension…
the bad news is so has LaToya Jackson and she’s bringing 10 pieces of luggage.
the good news is that the other dimension has a 31 flavors!
The bad news is that some of the flavours are feces, gangrene, bloated monkey and Chocolate Cake.
The good news is they also have rum and raisin!
The bad news is that they use the rum to set the raisins on fire and give the flaming fruit to the monkeys to fling.
The good news is that the monkeys drop the flaming raisins before flinging them at you.
The bad news is, they drop them on your feet.
The good news is, due to frostbite, you have no feeling in your feet…
The bad news is, that due to lack of feeling in your feet, you don’t notice that the burning raisins have burnt your feet off.
The good news is you’re gonna save a fortune in footware.