The bad news is you hold stock in Nike.
The good news is the small country which is the leading supplier of sweat shops for Nike nominates you for the Nobel peace Prize.
The bad news is, due to the fact that you are dislexic, you misread the nomination letter and you are actually being nominated for the leboneze piss prize.
The good news is that leboneze piss may cure your escalating skin condition.
The bad news is, you lose your sanity every time you use it.
The good news is, you weren’t sane in the first place…
The bad news is that you’re Michael Jackson and the money is almost all gone
The good news is that you’ve still got Beatles song catalog
The bad news is, we haven’t quite perfected those jars that keep brains alive yet, so you’ve only got one day left to destroy the world.
The good news is, the world will be destroyed tomorrow.
The bad news is, Galactus eats the planet today.
The good news is, he has a well decorated intestinal tract.
The bad news is that your dislexia is still affecting your reading, so its today you have to “plant the stage seat at UCLA”
The good news is that no-one notices you planting the stage seat. hehehe…
The bad news is that the monkeys saw you, and are now flinging raisin scented flaming feces.
The good news is that none of it splashes in your drink.
the bad news is you catch yourself reading SD and see this thread outlining the shit you’ve gone through and the raisin scented shit still flying at you.
The good news is now you can help control your destiny
The bad news is the SDMB hamsters get tired just as you’re about to kill off the monkeys, leaving them to pelt you to death.
The good news is, after going to Hell, you realize Satan’s not that bad of a guy, he’s just misunderstood.
The bad news is he keeps wanting you to do the harmony line on all the show-tune duets he’s been brushing up on since the Fall.
The good news is, he sounds pretty good, actually.
The bad news is, he wants you to hit high notes and is using Chocolate Cake to “help” you scream out the upper octaves.
The good news is, it nets you a three-record deal.
The bad news is your music is being pirated across KaZaa’s P2P networks.
The good news is they’re just “sharing” it, no really “stealing” it.
The bad news is someone broke into your house and “shared” all your stuff.
The good news is you can claim it on insurance
The bad news is since you’re dead, your beneficiaries get the big ol’ check.
The good news is, they decide to use part of the money to put up a big monument to you.
The bad news is, they didn’t have a picture of you, and your monument is actually a likeness of Claiborne Pell.
The good news is, no one outside of Rhode Island knows who Claiborne Pell is…
The bad news is, the monument is so huge that CNN and USA Today did feature stories on it and now everybody knows…
The good news is you’re finally famous
The bad news is, the monument is a statue of you and Chocolate Cake in flagrante diletto.
The good news is, they at least made your abs look chiseled while you’re bent over.
The bad news is, they won’t be chiseled for long, as Claiborne Pell is still with us, and he’s about to knock the statue down with a bulldozer.
The good news is, this will make a good segment on “Senators Gone Wild”…
The bad news is, the segment will also feature a lengthy bit on Ted Kennedy. In wide screen mode.
The good news is, Arlen Specter wants to empanel a commission to investigate it.