The bad news is that nothing is ever really free.
The good news is that you just got a new car for almost free.
The bad news is, Chocolate Cake is making you “work it off in trade.”
The good news is, PEOPLE TYPING IN CAPS NO LONGER BOTHERS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
The bad news is PEOPLE STILL WRITE IN CAPS.
The good news is Conan is on 5 nights a week.
The bad news is they are all reruns.
The good news is that when Chocholate Cake comes over next time he will bring pie.
The bad news is the “pie” belongs to your grandmother.
The good news is, you just got your suit cleaned.
The bad news is the pie manages to be burnt, undercooked, crunchy, slimy and dry.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake isn’t real hung up on what happens to the pie, so your ungracious reaction is overlooked. He’s more interested in…other things this evening.
Damn simulpost…
The bad news is, the other things involve jumper cables, peach cobbler, and your backside.
The good news is you’re totally into it.
The bad news is, the battery’s dead.
The good news is, it’s solar powered…
The bad news is, it’s midnight.
The good news is you live in Alaska during the time of the midnight sun.
The bad news is, there’s an eclipse.
The good news is, there’s a battery back-up system.
The bad news is, you have Alaskan shrinkage.
The good news is, size doesn’t matter… much…
The bad news is the batteries were drained by Delta Burke’s industrial-strength vibrator.
The good news is you can stop picturing that now.
The bad news is you’ve moved on to thinking about Gerald McRaney’s part in all of that.
The good news is it finally gets you to stop watching those “Major Dad” reruns.
The bad news is, you’ve now become addicted to reruns of “The Facts of Life”
The good news is, your pot belly is reaching a comfortable size for your couch.
The bad news is that its reached a very uncomfortable size for conducting daily activities like sleeping, walking and inspecting your penis.
The good news is that you have enough cash to hire Richard Simmons to inspect your penis for you on a daily basis.
The bad news is, you can’t find your phone.
The good news is, you found thirty-six dolaars and forty-eight cents in change in under the cushions of your couch.
The bad news is, you can’t reach under your fat ass to pick any of it up.
The good news is, your enormous size has made you a god to a nearby cult.
The bad news is, the cult members have taken up residence in your apartment.
The good news is, you find their chanting quite soothing.
The bad news is, you hear in the their lyrics, “…and cut the pig and roast him” and they point at you (soothingly) as they chant.
The good news is, the Pope should be stoping by any time now.
the bad news is he’s bringing the priests who like to touch children in the bad place with him.
the good news is you don’t have kids