The bad news is that the Pope has a bad habit of putting his feet up on peoples’ coffee tables.
The good new is that I heard from the Parole Board.
The bad news is they said “no”.
The good news is that your cellmate just proposed.
The bad news is he won’t take no for an answer
The good news is the other inmates throw a lovely bridal shower
The bad news is the gift is a lifetime supply of soap for you to drop in the shower.
The good news is that with all that showering you’ll always be fresh as a daisy.
The bad news is, “Daisy” is your prison “wife name.”
The good news is, it suits your complexion.
{btw, **HSHP/b], I really, really love your username}
The bad news is, “it” is a giant piece of saltwater taffy.
The good news is, the sky is falling…
The bad news is it turns out that it’s Armageddon.
The good news is that you’re going to get Raptured up to Heaven.
The bad news is so are those dodgy catholic priests.
The good news is Heaven is a pretty big place so you should be safe.
The bad news is you have agoraphobia.
The good news is that she just gave you her phone number…
The bad news is that the continuous praising God and singing hallelujah is really starting to shit you off.
The good news is that Jack Chick seems to be nowhere in sight…
The bad news is that that’s probably because you’re legally blind.
The good news is, you still recieve lots of cash, because your legally-blindedness was the result of a work related injury.
The bad news is, the cash is in the form of pennies.
The good news is, at least they’re in rolls.
The bad news is, they’re in real rolls.
The good news is, there is a 9ft superintelligent roll eating lobster to help you get your pennies back
The bad news is the pennies turn the lobster into an 18 foot retarded lobster.
The good news is that PETA hears about it.
The bad news is that they fly in Pamela Anderson to publicize the lobster’s plight.
The good news is she didn’t bring Kid Rock with her.
The bad news is, PETA didn’t hear about it until after you, Chocolate Cake and the dogdy priests have eaten the lobster with drawn butter.
The good news is, he was delicious
The bad news is, his spaceshi-dwelling brethren have come to avenge him.
The good news is, you still have some butter.
The bad news is that, through force of habit, you just couldn’t stop yourself from using all the butter to lather up your thighs.
The good news is that your thighs are golden brown and ready for ‘sweet love’.
The bad news is “golden brown sweet love” turns out to be CHOCOLATE CAKE.
The good news is you saw that coming (of course).