The bad news is that you still couldn’t avoid it.
The good news is that God will forgive you.
The bad news is, the rest of us won’t.
The good news is, we don’t know where you live.
The bad news is, I do.
The good news is, only two of you have to worry…
The bad news is, you have no idea what to worry about.
The good news is, alzheimer’s disease gives you something new to worry about every day.
The bad news is you’ve forgotten where your keys are, the name of your wife, the location of your superannuation converted to gold sovereigns and how to feed yourself.
The good news is you still have your wits.
The bad news is you no longer have your pants.
The good news is the hot woman at the house you’re delivering pizza to just said she ordered a spicy 12 inch italian sausage and in the background you can hear the music going “boom-chicka-chicka-chicka”
The bad news is, she’s not really a woman… or hot… you’re just drunk (and delivering pizzas to boot)
The good news is, after Chocolate Cake was done with you, this still seems like an improvement.
The bad news is, after returning from Boot, where you were delivering pizzas, you’ve discovered that your pants are indeed lost, and that Chocolate Cake has taken your tips, and more.
The good news is, that the “boom-chicka” gal has called for a special delivery.
The bad news is, she specifically (sp?) said the she did not want you to deliver it.
The good news is, you’ve got a lead on a job at the 7-11, and can quit the pizza delivery biz.
The bad news is, you’d have to join the 7-11 employees’ union.
The good news, you would get all the Slurpees you could ever hope for.
The bad news is that “all the Slurpees you could ever hope for” is the new street name for the most virulent strain of genital herpes.
The good news is that Chocolate Cake has lost all interest in you (again).
The bad news is that Dion is there for the rebound.
The good news is he treats you as gently as a kitten.
The bad news is he treats you as gently as he treats kittens, which… well, you don’t want to know.
The good news is that he’s allergic to your flea collar.
The bad news is he’s only mildly allergic to your flea collar, and he doesn’t mind the scratching it brings about… especially if you scratch him in that “special way.”
The good news is the kitten population on your block is down. Bob Barker is especially pleased.
The bad news is that Bob Barker is tragically trampled to death when a pack of dogs escape from the local animal shelter and scare a circus elephant into a rampage through Bob’s living room.
The good news is that you’ve discovered oil in your backyard!
The bad news is, it’s on the faces od all the teenage boys holding a vigil for Barker in your backyard.
The good news is, they can see the candlelight from space.
The bad news is the crew of the space shuttle gets confused and tries to land in your back yard.
The good news is you live near Cape Canaveral, so they are safely diverted to the correct runway.
The bad news is no one knows how to land the damn thing.
The good news is, they’ve installed a huge pool at the end of the runway
The bad news is, there aren’t enough Rubber Duckys to go around.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake has extra duckys which he will share, at a price.
The bad news is that you have no license.
The good news is that you live next to a gun store.