The bad news is, the store owner wants your wallet.
The good news is, he’ll give you a good deal on bullets.
The bad news is that the price is . . . you know.
The good news is that someone brings in a huge truckload of rubber duckies.
The bad news is they won’t fit in your bathtub.
The good news is you’ve got bubble bath.
The bad news is the bubbles are caused by the beans you ate last night.
The good news is you’ve now got an instant tan.
The bad news is, the tan is caused by the beans you ate last night.
The good news is, you’ve got plenty of air freshener.
The bad news is, it’s too late and you killed your cat.
The good news is, you can feed your pet python.
The bad news is your python prefers to kill its own meals, and is looking at you with “that look” in its eyes.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake is due over any minute to pick you up for your “date.”
The bad news is you still have the stinky bean-generated tan and he thinks it’s a huge turnon.
The good news is the smell has wafted to passersby who can now see what’s about to happen to you
The bad news is: The passer by is starting to sell front row tickets for your “bathroom window porn show”
The good news is: The gun store owner is interested in the python
(Heck of a place to make your first post, Hugh Jarse! Welcome to the boards!)
The bad news is the SPCA heard about the gun-store owner’s plans for the python and stepped in.
The good news is the python has become a PETA spokesreptile and will be posing with Pamela Anderson – and, as the python’s handler, you get to go to the shoot too.
The bad news is according to the restraining order, you and your other “python” may not come (no pun intended) within 1,000 yards of Ms. Anderson.
The good news is there’s a nice buffet at the shoot.
The bad news is, Richard Simmons is also invited to the shoot and so there won’t be enough food for anyone else.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake has been found dead after choking on someone else’s vomit at the last Spinal Tap concert.
The bad news is, you’re considered part of his estate and have been bequeathed to The Great Golden Twinkie.
The good news is you’re not The Great Golden Twinkie’s type.
The bad news is Chocolate Cake’s will stipulated that you serve as the Great Golden Twinkie’s personal toilet attendant and sometimes, personal toilet.
The good news is he tips well.
The bad news it that there’s no good news.
The good news is that I’m a filthy goddam liar.
The bad news is that Eternal has revealed his true identity and we now know that either Bill Clinton or Richard Nixon are posting on the Straight Dope Boards!
The good news is that we have a 50% chance of blow jobs as opposed to forced resignation.
The bad news is, those were the same odds we had with Chocolate Cake.
The good news is, there’s probably less biting involved now.
The bad news is, there isn’t.
The good news is, Nixon’s lost some teeth in the grave.
The bad news is, what he lacks in teeth he makes up for in spooky, unearthly powers.
The good news is those powers no longer involve bombing Cambodia.
The bad news is those powers do include reviving the dead… which he uses to revive Chocolate Cake. Not only is Chocolate Cake now undead, he no longer requires sleep either.
The good news is you’ve always wanted to hunt the undead.