The bad news is your name is Ash.
The good news is you never really liked your right hand anyway…
The bad news is, there goes your sex life.
The good news is, you have a shiny new pocketwatch.
The bad news is, that just like with Butch in Pulp Fiction, that watch has been inside a man’s ass for years.
The good news is, it took a lickin’ and kept on tickin’.
The bad news is you actually had to lick it to prove it.
The good news is it keeps great time.
The bad news is, you can’t get rid of the smell of ass, and now that he’s undead the smell of ass is like phermones to Chocolate Cake.
The good news is, he can’t run as fast since his legs began to decompose…
The bad news is, he’s still faster than you.
The good news is, with no tongue, he dosen’t say, “Whothe your daddy?!?” in that nathty lithp anymore.
The bad news is, now he spits when he takes and sprays saliva and undead breath all over your face.
The good news is, you’ve recently discovered the saliva of the undead does wonders for your skin…
The bad news is, Saliva of the Undead© released their second album two months ago, and has sued to prevent you from using their band name in future posts.
The good news is, Chocolate Cake has been named a co-defendant.
The bad news is you’ll both be represented by Ally McBeal.
The good news is her skirt is short and her pout is meaty.
The bad news is, that doesn’t mean too much beside the agony of seeing pieces of your girlfriend wrapped in cellophane on a styrofoam tray.
The good news is it’s on special.
The bad news is, you’ve forgotten your bonus card, and took 23 items into the express lane. :eek:
The good news is, you don’t have to look at her meaty pout any more.
The bad news is, she blinded you.
The good news is, she blinded you with science…
…the bad news is their is only one specialist on the planet who can remove test-tubes from the eye-sockets.
The good news is, the coffin comes free…
The bad news is it will cost $10,000 to bury it.
The good news is you’ve found a sunny spot in the cemetary
The bad news is that the sun doesn’t stay there for long.
The good news is that water is in the distance
The bad news is it’s a pool of acid rain which will eat through the free coffin in about two seconds.
The good news is, the water’s very pretty at sunset
The bad news is, you’re in no position to care.
The good news is, Rhode Island is not sinking…
The bad news is, everything else is rising.
The good news is, you have a major investment in personal flotation devices.
The bad news is, your options are underwater (tee hee, I’m so witty…).
The good news is, you’ve found a distributor who will save you millions.
The bad news is the prototypes are embedded in Pamela Anderson’s chest, and she refuses to give them up.
The good news is, she’s agreed to be your poster girl.
[sub]Hi Kids! I’ve been out of town. Didja miss me?[/sub]