The bad news is that you meet up with Winona in Betty Ford and she is totally hot for your Gin smelling ass. OK, that’s not so bad news, excpet that she totally tore the bush out of your ass.
The good news is that Winona also swiped your mobile phone so you can track her down.
The bad news is, as long as she doesn’t call anyone or turn the phone on, she can’t be found.
The good news is, you’ve hired Frank Buck, who always brings them back alive…
The bad news is, Frank Buck has long had a thing for Winona, and, once he found her, they eloped.
The good news is they invited you along to Vegas as flower girl.
The bad news is, the flower girl, after the wedding, shall be hit repeatedly with a club.
The good news is, you don’t have to go…
The bad news is that if you don’t go, they’ll kill your dog.
The good news is that you didn’t much like your dog anyway. Plus, he’s old.
The bad news is, only your dog knows where the family jewels are buried.
The good news is, you can make a good guess where they are…
The bad news is the ex-girlfriend found them first.
The good news is she ran off to Reno with your dog and your wife…and the jewels are paste.
The bad news is, the dog ate the jewels and the insurance pays your wife the full amount.
The good news is, your wife is dyslectic and thinks it’s your cheque.
The bad news is, she deposited it through an ATM and misread the amount, keying in 10 times too much.
The really bad news is, the bank is now after you for the rest of the money, and it has the power to withdraw it from your account, thanks to the small print in that agreement you and your wife signed back in 1997.
The good news is, it’s a nice day out.
The bad news is, you won’t stay out long.
The good news is, you always wanted to have a prison pal.
The bad news is, you don’t look good in prison duds.
The good news is, your roomate deosn’t care if you walk around naked.
The bad news is, the roommate will cut you in pieces if you use the toilet.
The good news is, you don’t have to go…
The bad news is, you probably will sometime during the next 25 years to life.
The good news is your mother baked you a cake with a file in it.
The bad news is, your mother was baked when she cooked, and now you have to explain a lemon-hacksaw meringue pie to the warden.
The good news is, the warden thinks you’re cute.
The bad news: The warden is Louie Anderson.
The good news is that Slim-Fast™ is on sale.
The bad news is that Barry White took the recipe to his grave.
The good news is that you can buy the remaining stock from dealers on the street.
The bad news is that the recipe is incorrect.
The good news is that it still causes the same level of incontinence.
The bad news is, that’s not good news.
The good news is, a dead duck doesn’t fly backwards…
The bad news is we can’t remove the dead duck from your ass.
The good news is that you are very healthy.
The bad news is that the duck is twitching in your ass, due to residual nerve signals.
The good news is, it’s causing you to do a kickass Philly Electirc Slide.