The bad news is, it’s because you have alzheimer’s
The good news is, you have a wonderful head of hair.
The bad news is, it’s not your.
The good news is, you got it for free.
The bad news is it came from Burt Reynolds’ back.
The good news is it looks better that what Burt’s got on top of his head now!
The bad news is, it’s all grey.
The good news is, People will think you’re Andy Warhol
The bad news is that you are decomposed.
The good news is that’s trendy.
The bad news is, Your fingers will fall off
The good news is, You can hire that cool secretary to type for you.
The bad news is, she won’t work for a man with bad hands.
The good news is, Lowell Weicker will do it…
The bad news is, I don’t get that joke.
The good news is, it doesn’t matter, because…
The really good news is that your Broccoli-Liver-Dumpling Delight recipe has been accepted as an entry in the Pillsbury Bake-Off!
The bad news is, your copy was lost when it was eaten by one of the Governor’s in-jokes.
The good news is, it’s not that bad…
The bad news is that it’s still the best thing to happen to you all week.
The good news is, it’s Friday night.
The bad news is, you’re working this weekend.
The good news is, your boss isn’t, so you should be able to get in a wee bit of SDMB time.
The bad news is, the duck from the previous page has gotten out of your ass, grabbed the hacksaw from the meringue pie, and is pursuing you onto this page.
The good news is, he likes Chocolate Cake.
The bad news is, that’s because Chocolate Cake is his SO.
The good news is, SO stands for Stable Owner…
The bad news is, The owner isn’t stable at all
The good news is, You like shaky old men
The bad news is, he’ll be performing surgery on you.
The good news is, he’s Quadgop.
The bad news is, he’ll make my liver disappear.
The good news is, it won’t affect my polo-playing abilities…
The bad news is, that that’s because I don’t have any polo-playing abilities.
The good news is, the invitation to spend the weekend with Prince Charles was a hoax, so you don’t need polo-playing abilities.
The bad news is, you now have to explain the hoax to the horde of paparazzi clustered around your door.
The good news is, they don’t speak English, so you can say anything you want.
The bad news is, the gibberish you end up spewing is, oddly enough, a different deathly insult in each of their languages.
The good news is, you can escape out the window.
The bad news is, Chocolate Cake is lurking outside the window.
The good news is, he’s looking the other way.