The bad news is, The squirrel is illiterate.
The good news is, She gets free writing classes by Eminem
The bad news is, she also get free attitude lessons from Eminem.
The good news is, she’ll soon be on “Squirrels Gone Wild”…
The bad news is, the squirrel tricked you into getting stuck in a chimney.
The good news is, you found a set ginsu knives with a tag that says “To O.J. from Santa, for being nice a good boy this year.”
The bad news is, since you’re stuck in a chimney, the squirrel has your nuts roasting on a open fire.
The good news is, they smell rather festive for July.
The bad news is, you now have third-degree burns on the most sensitive part of your body.
The good news is, you can blame someone else…
The bad news is, the person you blamed also has Johnnie Cochrane defending him.
The good news is, you have a view of the sky.
The bad news is, it’s snowing.
The really bad news is, it’s snowing in July. And you’re in the Northern Hemisphere.
The good news is, the fire below you is at least preventing frostbite.
The bad news is, you’re blocking the chimney, and the house is filling up with smoke.
The really bad news is, the Fire Company shows up, and the female Captain comments on the small size of your present, Santa.
The good news is, they get you out of the chimney, and send you to the hospital.
The bad news is, it’s an animal hospital.
The good news is, they serve a mean bowl of dog food there.
The bad news is, the dog food is so mean that it kicks your ass.
The really bad news is, it kicks your ass in front of your ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.
The good news is, you can still get some kind of treatment.
The bad news is, it’s electroshock therapy.
The good news is, it cures your hiccups, constipation, and receding hairline.
The bad news is, it gave you gout, pneumonia, and a constantly proceding hairline.
The good news is, you can sue…
The bad news is, you can get countersued.
The good news is, you can plead insanity.
The bad news is, if you do, the Big Nurse will treat you in the mental institute.
The good news is, you can rip her dress open…
The bad news is, you can rip her dress open.
The good news is, you’re going to the heavy mental institute. (Dude!)
The bad news is, you’ll be sharing a room with some deranged Quiet Riot fans.
The good news is, they’re harmless…
The bad news is, the sane REO Speedwagon fans are not!
The good news is, you can play “I can’t fight this feeling anymore…” over and over again to pacify them.
The bad news is that you have to play it on the harp.
The good news is that you’ve recently seen an ad for cheap harp lessons…
The bad news is, you can’t remember where you saw the ad.
The good news is, the metal fans can’t tell the difference between a song on a harp and just random strumming and plucking on the harp.
The bad news is, you never did master the art of smashing a harp on stage.
The good news is, your new friend who thinks he is David St. Hubbins can really smash a harp like anything!