The bad news is he thinks nearly everything he sees is a harp, and he likes to yell “Harp!” loudly just before he throws whatever object he currently fancies against the nearest wall, after which he giggles.
The good news is you’re getting more adept at dodging.
The bad news is all the metal fans now want to throw stuff
The good news is the stuff is mostly brightly-coloured beach balls
The bad news is, the beach balls are metal store displays.
The good news is, sooner or later, the entire mosh pit has hernias.
The bad news is, even beach balls can overwhelm you.
The good news is, you look so fetching being overwhelmed with beach balls that major fashion magazines now went to photograph you.
The bad news is, you’re seen and photographed doing questionable things with beach balls and a 17 year old entertainer named Daphne. She also claims to have your DNA sample. Ahem.
The good news is, your previous employment in the foundry has caused the helix of your DNA to untwist.
The bad news is, Daphne doesn’t care.
The good news is, Daphne doesn’t care.
The bad news is, the local police care.
The good news is, you can bribe them with donuts…
The bad news is, when the really volatile cop bites into his jelly doughnut, the jelly squirts all over his nice, clean uniform.
The good news is, Daphne’s right there to lick up the jelly.
The bad news is, he then assults her.
The good news is, she’s Mayor Daley’s daughter…
The bad news is, she votes early and often.
The really bad news is, Chocolate Cake is on the ballot.
The good news is, you’re running against him.
The bad news is you smoke, and can’t keep up with all this running.
The good news is Chocolate Cake (and his running mate Devil’s Food) win the election.
The bad news is, you are sentenced to hang the moment they gain power.
The good news is, Maj. Gen. Golden might overthrow the government…
The bad news is, so might the aliens hiding on the far side of the moon.
The good news is, the aliens have seemed friendly so far.
The bad news is, being friendly won’t get you out of jail.
The good news is, you can always contact the alien embassy…
…the bad news is the alien embassy is filled with nine foot tall super-intelligent [insert species here] who can trace your call.
The good news is you hit the lottery…
…the bad news is, it was THE LOTTERY (from that short story everyone read in highschool) and now you’ll be stoned to death.
The good news is the implant is removable…
…the bad news is it’s a breast implant and when they remove it, you’re all saggy and stuff.
The good news is your honey got breast implants…
The bad news is, now it tastes terrible when you put it in your tea.
The good news is, drinking tea with honey and breast implants has so impressed the aliens that they worship you as a god.
The bad news is, the aliens are too busy worshiping you to save you.
The good news is, Gen. Fehr has finally arrived with the main column, and he’s going to save you…
The bad news is, he’s saved you so you can dig the regiment a new latrine.
The good news is, you keep any spare change which you unearth.