…the bad news is, the only store around is run/owned/operated by Oprah.
The good news is, your palms will only be hairy for 10 years…
The bad news is, the drugs wore off, and now everything makes sense.
The good news is, Gen. Fehr won’t have you dig the latrine…
…the bad news is he wants you to clean it out.
The good news is you have a beautiful/handsome new partner…
The bad news is, she/he hates your guts.
The good news is, she/he might help you kill Gen. Fehr…
The bad news is, it’s because she’s a necrophiliac and wants to violate his corpse.
The good news is, she’ll fall asleep after and you can make your escape.
The bad news is, you forgot about Gen. Fehr’s Chief of Staff, Maj. Gen. Golden.
The good news is, you have a print of Theda Bara’s Cleopatra to give her as a bribe…
The bad news is, she isn’t into bribery, pulls out her .45 and has you walk like an Egyptian to the MPs.
The good news is, the MPs are into bribery bigtime, and you’re smokin’ on a big cigar and drinkin’ a cold beer in no time.
The bad news is, you accidentally smoked the beer and drank the cigar.
The good news is, you feel sick in a sort of good way.
The bad news is, that gets you committed.
The good news is, there’s cinnamon oatmeal every morning.
The bad news is, the cinnamon feels strangely like ground amber glass, and it glows!
The good news is, since you’ve been committed, you’re as stoned as can be and don’t care what they pour down your gullet.
The bad news is, they’re going to strap eloctrodes to your balls every other Tuesday.
The good news is, you’ve alwayse wanted to live on the ocean.
The bad news is you live aboard the Andrea Gale.
The good news is your favorite book was made into a movie…
The bad news is, it was made into a “Lifetime” movie.
The good news is, you have a taste for kitsch…
The bad news is, they’ve burned it, and no one likes overdone kitsch.
The good news is, it does have a nice bernaise sauce
The bad news is, bernaise sauce clashes with your earrings.
The good news is, you don’t wear earrings.
The bad news is, that means those metal rings are the 9-foot superintelligent lobsters’ means of controlling your mind.
The good news is, they’re really just telling you to go about your business.
The bad news is, your business is making confetti with a one-hole hole-puncher, one paper circle at a time. (And boy does this make your hands feel cramped!)
The good news is, after five years of hole punching, you now finally have enough confetti to sell to the City of Chicago for the World Series championship parade it’s been planning for a while.
The bad news is… They aren’t quite optimistic enough to buy just yet…
The good news is… Confetti makes a decent insulation for your house…
The bad news is, it ignites easily…
The good news is, you have more insurance on your house than your house is worth on the market…
The bad news is, the policy is dependent on Shiva418 maintaining story continuity, so your policy is as good as worthless.
The good news is, Shiva read this thread right as your house went up, so there’s hope for everyone yet.