The bad news is, concrete anything is the least you have to worry about with this lot. Lard underwear is far worse.
The really bad news is, Tony Donuts has been threatening you with “spotted dick”.
The sort-of-okay news is, you’re of British ancestry.
[OFF]
FYI, Antonio Donazio (Tony Donuts) is a particularly-horrendous gangster from the Callahan’s Place stories…
[/OFF]
The sort-of-bad news is, you’re in the wrong Belfast pub to be announcing that.
The really bad news is, you just found out why.
The good news is, you left a full beer, and now I have something to wet my whistle before a rousing chorus of “Off to Dublin in the Green.”
The bad news is, there was an encounter between your forefathers (no disrespect to them) and a dalmatian, and you have a spotted dick.
The good news is, everyone thinks that the spots can be rubbed off.
The bad news is, you’re smiling from the rubbing, but the spots are still there.
The good news is, you’re slated to appear on Jenny Jones in a segment titled “Men with spotted dicks, and the women who love them.”
The bad news is, they’ve set up a small guillotine, and it’s obvious what they’ll do with it.
The good news is, you can flee through a bathroom window…
The bad news is that the window is rather small and will require a certain amount of nakedness, and a large quantity of vaseline.
The good news is, several members of the opposite sex have decided to escape via the same route.
The bad news is, the window leads to an alternate dimension where Chocolate Cake is king.
The good news is, you still have the large quantity of vaseline.
The bad news is, Tony Donuts is following you.
The really bad news is, Tony Donuts is easily strong enough to make the window as big as he needs.
The good news is, he hates the feel of vaseline.
The extremely bad news is, he enjoys hating it.
The good news is, once you’re on the other side, you and your companions have a few minutes to run before he can get through.
The bad news is, in this alternative world, everyone looks like Tony Donuts.
The good news is, there’s a listing in the phone book offering “anti-mob actions”…
The bad news is, the listing is for the Piranha “borthers” who have chased you into this dimension from the previous page, and are still intent on nailing your head to the floor.
The good news is, you’ve met up with the Professor from Gilligan’s island, and he happens to have a rocket powered grenade launcher which he’s fashioned from cocoanuts.
The bad news is, he has no grenades.
The good news is, you’ve got your running shoes on.
The bad news is, the “borthers” have shoes with big ol’ springs on the bottom (obtained from Acme, naturellement) and are hopping after you.
The good news is, a nearby troop of kangaroos thinks it’s a new game and are joining the fray, making it impossible for the “borthers” to get close to you.
the bad news is, the kangaroos are gaining on you.
the good news is, the “borthers” are determined to have you for themselves and have dispatched a kangaroo with their boxing gloves.
The good news is, that famous boxing kangaroo from the old cartoon is avenging his companion-in-arms.
The bad news is, Sylvester the Cat is gaining on him.
The good news is, Sylvester’s past performance is a reasonable indicator of his future results.
The bad news is, everyone gets lucky once.
The good news is, ‘lucky’ in this case will probably be amusing to the observer.
The bad news is, you are not the observer.
the good news is, you have escaped all of them in the confusion.
the bad news is, you’re lost.
The good news is, Bugs just popped up and asked, “What’s up, Doc?”
The bad news is, you’re wearing a hunting cap with flaps…
The good news is, it’s duck season.
The bad news is, the ducks are armed as well, and apparently it’s you season as well.