The bad news is, it’s sandblasted for that “Southwestern” look, and the friction causes bleeding in, ahem, delicate places.
The good news is, at least you’re not flying through the air anymore.
The bad news is, the deceleration really sucked.
The good news is, using cartoon physics, you’ve reinflated yourself from being flat, pulled a hole out of your pocket, put it on the ground, and jumped inside.
The bad news is, you jumped into a dimension where cartoon physics are no longer valid.
The good news is, “Six-Million-Dollar-Man” physics are.
The bad news is, you still remember who the six million dollar man is.
The good news is, his six million dollar dog is looking for a new partner.
The bad news is, it’s a Vermont-style “life partner.”
The good news is, the dog will be able to support your new family.
Bad news is, it’s only good if you like a diet of Milk Bones and warm water.
The Good news is, Milk bones are now found to be very healthy you.
The bad news is, you shouldn’t drink the water.
The good news is, the 73rd, 46th, and 87th greatest guitarists of all time (according to Rolling Stone) have come to save you…
The bad news is, you’ve broken your G string and are embarassed to be seen before them.
The good news is, they all love Beethoven’s Fifth and have opened several of them to celebrate.
The bad news is, they are now drunk, and trying to all play at once (and, due to stylistic differences, they wouldn’t sound good even if sober).
The good news is, they seem to have found the lost chord…
The bad news is, the lost chord had been lost for a reason, and was better remaining lost.
The good news is, you now have the power to cloud men’s minds…
THe bad news is, so does Lamont Cranston.
The good news is, with that power, you can now drive all the recurring and semi-recurring characters away…
The bad news is, after taking a two-week “leave of absence” from this post, I see that Chocolate Cake has popping up in the thread again. (How many time do we have to kill him off?)
The good news is, we can now invent some new way for Cake to die.
The bad news is that now you have to keep changing the frequency on the phaser you’re blasting him with, as he has borg-style learning armour.
The good news is that he doesnt have enough 9 volt batteries for it.
The bad news is, his armour is more than good enough to defeat the phaser you’ve been using, because what you thought was a phaser is really a 1920s-style “Death Ray”.
The good news is, his armour is completely vulnerable to the pointy stick you’ve just picked up.
The bad news is, it isn’t really a pointy stick, it’s a mutant alien creature that has pierced the flesh in your hand and is sending its mind-control chemicals racing toward your brain.
The good news is, you’ve read all 18 pages of this thread, and there’s not a lot left up there for the mutant alien creature to devour.
The bad news is, the mutant alien creature’s philosophy is, “Enjoying the yummy journey to the brain is as important as enjoying the yummy treat at the end.”
The good news is, you have an artificial elbow.
The bad news is, most of the rest of you is artificial too, and that isn’t yummy.
The good news is, you’ve found an issue of Popular Mechanics which instructs you in the construction of a thermonuclear explosion proof shield using shredded wiffle balls and cat litter.
The bad news is, it’s in the same late-fifties issue that predicted we’d all have flying cars by 1995.
The good news is, the all-consuming nuclear war didn’t happen either.
The bad news is, we got telemarketers, paparazzi, computer viruses, and Unsolicited Commercial Email instead.
The good news is, there are job oppurtunities in computer de-lousing.
The bad news is, there’s no way of getting rid of paparazzi.
The good news is, you gave Rupert Murdoch a STD…
the bad news is, you’ve got only one month to live.
the good news is, you feel healthy enough to do what you will during that time.