The bad news is, you’ve decided to become a paparazzo during that month.
The good news is, your close personal relationship with Rupert Murdoch means you’ll get a good price for whatever pix you manage to snap.
The bad news is, you live in Antarctica, and there just isn’t that much demand for telephoto pictures of penguins.
The good news is, you also know the art editor at a leading Linux magazine.
The bad news is, that doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.
The good news is, there’s a hill of beans outside…
The bad news is, there’s also a hill of hungry guys with digestive problems outside.
The good news is, your mortgage is finally paid off…
The bad news is, the mutant alien stick controlling your brain thinks that you should be taking hip-hop square-dancing lessons.
The good news is, people are lining up to be your parner because of the spiffy platforms the alien is making you wear.
The bad news is, you dislocate a shoulder trying to do an Egyptian-voguing-do-si-do move.
The good news is, it’s the shoulder of the arm where the mutant alien stick is, uh, stuck.
The bad news is, Dr. Nick Riviera is there to fix your shoulder.
The good news is, he’s only charging you $5 and a case of Duff.
the bad news is, you’ll spend your time assisting the 9 foot tall superintelligent cats who want to take over the world.
the goods news is, litter is in short supply
I apologize-I’m a total meathead and didn’t make sure I was on the last page!
the bad news is, you should get off your Duff, and pursue the superintelligent cats!
the good news is, litter is still in short supply-film at 11. Back to you, Bob.
The bad news is, this leaves the 5 foot tall super-intelligent mice to rule.
The good news is, you have an infinite supply of cheese and traps.
The bad news is, the super-intelligent mice won’t fall for that.
The good news is, they’re suckers for Robert Altman films…
The bad news is that all Robert Altman films were burned in the great Robert Altman purge, and there are no copies left!
The good news is the mice are eating all the worlds cockroaches!
The bad news is, that means that nothing will survive a nuclear apocalyspe.
The good news is, we will all survive calypso…
The bad news is, calypso radio is not likely to catch on in major markets.
The good news is, Fidel Castro may make it to minor league baseball.
The bad news is, he never was any good at it.
The good news is, they’ve got Charles Darwin trapped up there on Highway 5…
The bad news is, he’s got Tara Reid and Britney Spears handcuffed to him, and he’s threatening to jump.
The good news is, you’ll get it all on film.
The bad news is, you’re getting it on 5x7 negs, which cost about three bucks each (plus another three to develop), and record Tara and Britney in such appalling detail that they cause heart attacks among RIAA executives and dermatologists everywhere.
The good news is, because of a sudden staff reduction at the executive level, the RIAA is thinking of easing off on the lawsuits and actually catching up to the twenty-first century.
The bad news is, that policy is likely to last about 20 seconds, followed by a return to their medieval ways opposing anything that even smells convenient.
The good news is, Darwin dropped his 1920’s style death ray, you grabbed it, have listed it on eBay, and the bids are climbing at a furious pace.
The bad news is, the judge who had ordered the high sheriff to get Darwin, dead or alive, now want to get you.
The good news is, a man named Zimmerman might help you…
The bad news is, he’s a really inaccurate telegraphist.
The good news is, he’s on their side.