The bad news is, Ted Kennedy’s driving.
The good news is, you have 10 minutes left to live.
The bad news is you’re already too weak to fight off the buzzards.
(For WhiteyFoo, who had a good one lost in simulpost):
The good news is your tests came back negative.
The bad news is they were IQ test.
The good news is you are J. K. Rowling.
The bad news is you’re not the J.K. Rowling, and the jokes are getting treally annoying.
The good news is your rich eccentric aunt left her entire estate to you.
The bad news is it’s 10,000 cats.
The good news is your neighbor has a hungry dog you can bowrrow.
The bad news is your aunt is a 9 foot tall superintelligent lobster and has no plans of dying.
The good news is the checks stopped bouncing.
The bad news is her estate consists of mothballs that are priceless on the collector’s circuit and a priceless hairless cat.
The good news is that you bumped into that pretty girl on the train…
The bad news is he’s hungry for love
The good news is the stain came out of your pants.
The bad news is now it’s staining your lips.
The good news is it’s a flattering shade of red.
The bad news is it’s also carcinogenic.
The good news is you found pirate’s gold.
The bad news is that’s Chocolate Cake’s nickname for his, well, you know…
The good news is you’re in charge of the company for the week.
The bad news is it’s Enron, and your company seems to have employed even more whisteblowers.
The good news is they’re all crossing guards.
The bad news is the SEC just filed charges against it.
The good news is you’ve got vacation time coming.
The bad news is the only place the travel agency has an opening for is Hell.
The good news is there’s is booze in Hell.
The bad news is you don’t drink.
The good news is you just got called to “Come on Down!” on The Price Is Right.
The bad news is you’re only wearing a cooking apron.
The good news is you just won a new car!
That bad news is it’s a Yugo.
The good news is you won the spinoff for the the Showcase Showdown.
The bad news is the Showdown is a knife thrower… and you are the target.
The good news is the show has a doctor on staff.
The bad news is that he only has a PhD in Chemistry.
The good news is those scars are healing really well.
The bad news is those herpes sores aren’t.
The good news is you got a telephone from your old highschool crush.