The bad news is, Dr. Seuss’s writing skills have deteriorated significantly since his death.
The good news is, the giant furry fish is actually a red herring, and it’s time to start working on the sitcom NBC based on this thread that is slated to replace “Friends” next year.
The bad news is, it’s going to star Erich, with the Piranha Borthers as sidekicks, and Chocolate Cake as the “next door neighbor”.
The good news is, a far greater TV producer is offering you money to work on his program…
The bad news is, that TV director is none other than Tony Donuts!
The good news is, the fence separating you from the next door neighbor is sufficiently high to preclude Chocolate Cake from biting any of the actors.
The bad news is, someone dug a hole under the fence.
The good news is, you were able to plug the hole with Tony Donuts…
The bad news is, Tony Donuts has a few holes himself.
The good news is, the aliens just arrived and arroved (in spite of that they said earlier), and now the fence–a hedge really–is thick and strong.
The bad news is, that means that Tony can’t direct.
The good news is, a man who’s had his life story made into a recent movie shall direct…
The bad news is, they’re going to record the movie on a $299 analogue videocam.
The good news is, they’re going to record the movie on a $299 analogue videocam.
The bad news is, owing to the presence of hedges, there will be a large number or hedgehogs required for the project.
The good news is, Dinsdale may at last be located.
The bad news is, we have located Dinsdale, and it’s Spiny Norman that we’re looking for.
The good news is, they lost the $299 camera…
The bad news is, they found a much better one and now want to re-shoot the whole thing.
The bad news is, Chocolate Cake lost his SAG card, and they’re now picketing, interrupting filming.
The good news is, the director has decided to insert a whole picketing actors interlude (a la the hell scenes from “Glen or Glenda”), so the camerapeople just keep rolling.
The bad news is, once the SAG members realize they might end up in the movie, they all scatter to go get their headshots…
The good news is, this leaves plenty of room for you to get away.
The bad news is, it also leaves plenty of room for Them to come and get you.
The good news is, you recently found a magical card on the sidewalk which makes you Bulletproof.
The bad news is, none of your enemies want to use bullets to hurt you.
The good news is, all the non-bullet methods of hurting you are much less lethal.
The bad news is, they are much more embarassing.
The good news is, at this point in your adventures, you’re pretty much beyond embarassment.
The bad news is, you just found out your first-grade teacher has been following this thread…
The good news is, you’re still 8 steps ahead of her.
The bad news is, the National Security Council is 6 steps behind you…
The good news is, they’re two steps ahead of your first-grade teacher.
The bad news is, she’s catching up to them, and, if nothing else changes, she’ll pass them in less than 32 posts.
The good news is, they’ll trip here, if they need to.
THe bad news is, she might crush them…
The good news is, she’d take them out no problem.
The bad news is, in her hace, “take them out” implies dinner, flowers, and marriage, after which she’d emerge stronger than ever.
The good news is, you’ll gain at least 30 miles by doing so.
The bad news is, the real National Security Council (which consists entirely of 1970’s game show personalities) will be waiting for you, and they’re better armed than even the Pirahna Borthers or the Brighton Beach Mafia…