The bad new is, you only become invisible when moving at high speeds.
The good news is, she just noticed John Edwards in the crowd and is attacking him instead.
The bad news is John Edwards owes you money and beer.
The good news is you’ve adopted a cute new puppy.
The bad news is, the cute puppy is actually an alien.
The good news is, Charles Nelson Reilly, who recovered from the gunshot wound on the previous page, has an amazing psychic connection with the puppy alien, and assures you that it comes in peace.
The bad news is, he’s lying, as he and the alien puppy are in cahoots and planning on taking over Akron, Ohio.
The good news is, the puppy wants to make you Prime Minister.
The bad news is, the alien puppy wants to make you Prime Minister of Australia, and is inviting you for a swim after your inauguration.
The good news is, you are in Iceland, at least when you’re at home.
The bad news is, the alien puppy has clouded your mind. You are in Australia, but just don’t know it yet.
The good news is, both versions of the NSC weren’t informed that you are the new PM…
The bad news is, because they don’t know, they still want to beat you up.
The good news is, Conrad Veidt and Erich von Stroheim have challenged each other to a duel…
The bad news is, your first-grade teacher stepped in with a stern “Boys! That is not gentlemanly behavior!”
The good news is, they both trained their weapons on her.
The bad news is, they can’t hurt her, since she’s undead.
The good news is, she inexplicably fell in love with Paul Lynde, and is now chasing him across Queensland…
The bad news is, Paul Lynde is still accelerating, and your first-grade teacher (hot on his heels) doesn’t seem to be tiring at all.
The good news is, the alien puppy is chasing after them, Conrad Veidt and Erich von Stroheim are chasing after the alien puppy, and… finally, gloriously, you’ve been left alone to get your bearings.
The bad news is, while you got rid of those five, the remaining 450 people who’ve been chasing you are still there.
The good news is, you can do a vaudvillian soft shoe…
The bad news is, you have no idea what a ‘vaudevillian soft shoe’ actually is.
The good news is, in spite of this, you soon have the remaining 450 people rolling on the ground with laughter. While you make your escape.
The bad news is, you’ve escaped into Bizarro World.
The good news is, you’re so discombobulated by your previous adventures, your disjointed account of what’s happened to you makes the Bizarro populace think you a god.
The bad news is, the Bizarro populace expects their gods to be able to do a soft-shoe, that being a rather bizarro skill, and they’ll kill any god presumer who can’t do one.
The good news is, twicks is there to teach you an easy version (hint: do it to the tune from “Tea for Two”)…
The bad news is, you have all of the coordination of a sea slug trying to grow a notochord at the last moment so it can go to the school dance, and, in spite of twicks’ kind and expert assistance, your attempt at a soft-shoe turns out to be an invocation to call Bizarro-World demons instead.
The good news is, siince this is Bizarro World, the demons turn out to be friendly, empathetic, sexy, and helpful beings indeed.
The bad news is that these demons are friendly, empathetic, sexy, and helpful beings indeed…unless they’re hungry and unfortunately there’s no food left around.
The good news is you have one piece of gum left in your pocket.
The bad news is, there are 8 demons to feed.
The good news is, this being Bizarro World, all the characters chasing you have found you…
The bad news is, the characters chasing you have caught up quite handily.
The good news is, the demons think they’re yummy.
The bad news is the demons are done with them and coming after you now.
The good news is you wake up and realize all of this was just a dream.
The bad news is, you turn in bed, and Erich von Stroheim is sleeping with you, you turn the other way, and the head of the Brighton Beach Mafia is sleeping with you, Jay McInerney is using your bathroom, and Jaye P Morgan has just emptied your refrigerator.
The good news is, at least Conrad Veidt is gone…