The bad news is Conrad Veidt is gone…to bed with your mother and sister.
The good news is he paid them.
The bad news is, he paid them with fish.
The good news is, fish makes you smart.
The bad news is your IQ is so low, it doesn’t help much.
The good news is Erich von Stroheim, the head of the Brighton Beach Mafia, Jay McInerney, and Jaye P Morgan don’t mind.
The bad news is, they don’t mind because as long as you don’t smart up, they can take advantage of you in various ways. Even now, they’re bringing over all their friends.
The good news is, they brought their own food…
The bad news is, their food is defined as ‘condiments’ only.
The good news is, the dressing makes you slippery enough that you can wriggle out of their grasp. Once again, you are on the run.
The bad news is, they brought pineapples, prickly pears, and cacti, and they want to play “9 1/2 Weeks.”
The good news is, when they head for the fridge, you can run like hell.
The bad news is, the Creamy Italian dressing you’re slathered in causes you to slip and fall.
The good news is, Helmut Newton is there to take pix of you sprawled on the floor, glistening in the light from the open fridge door.
The bad news is, Helmut Newton is there to take pix of you sprawled on the floor, glistening in the light from the open fridge door.
The good news is, you know a good lawyer.
The bad news… You find out that the “good lawyer” just made the wrong Godfather mad and is swimmin’ with the fishies.
The good news is, You just won $100,000,000 legal and tax free.
The bad news is, it turned out that, as a condition for receiving it, you must pay every member of the real NSC $75,000 per year.
The good news is, there are only 15 of them…
The bad news is, that all your “friends” and family have found out about your winnings and are annoying the crap out of you because they want some of it.
The good news is, you have a secret hiding place to get away from it all.
The bad news is, it’s so secret you can’t find it and you’ve lost your ace secret map to find it.
The good news is, you once told Eric von Stroheim about it.
The bad news is, he won’t tell you unless you take him with you.
The good news is, he doesn’t know you have secret trap door you can use to get rid of him.
The bad news is… “Now, where did I put that secret trap door?”
The good news is Eric always wants to go first.
The bad news is… “Now, where did I put that secret trap door?”
The good news is Eric always wants to go first.
The bad news is, Eric triggers the trap door and you fall in.
The good news is, there’s padding…your ass.
The bad news is, your landing spot is a collection of devices assembled during medieval times for persuasion of the unrepentant.
The good news is, the torturess has lovely eyes and a nice smile before she puts on the leather mask.
the bad news is it’s that time of the month, and the smile was actually a ruse to give you false hope.
the good news is, you’ve been carrying a hot water bottle around with you all this time.
The bad news is, you’ve been on the run so long that the water is barely lukewarm.
The good news is, you also have a big box of Godiva chocolates…
The bad news is, she’s allergic to chocolate and breaks out in ugly, painful hives. She’s going to kill you.
The good news is, you scream like a girl.