The bad news is the horoscopes predict that you will shortly meet a tall dark stranger who goes by the name of Chocolate Cake.
The good news is that apparently I rock someones world
The bad news is you can’t get one, because you’re waiting in line to buy some Walrus Repellent.
The good news is, the Walrus Repellent is highly effective.
blah…simultpost…going with IcicleFuzz’s
The bad news is the world rocking causes an avalanche.
The good news is, Mike Tyson is buried alive.
The bad news is that means we have to stop making jokes about him being a wulrus rapist.
The good news is you’re moving to a new house.
The bad news is your driveway connects to the interstate.
The good news is the surgery was a success.
The bad news is that the walls are bleeding and a weird voice is asking you to leave.
The good news is your dog is back from the vet.
The bad news is you’re going to have to find a carpet color that coordinates with the bleeding walls.
The good news is the yard is spacious and well-maintained. . .
D’oh! Simulpost! Let’s try again…
The bad news is that they successfully removed the wrong leg.
The good news is your dog’s home from the vet.
All right, that’s it. Last try.
The bad news is that your lawn is the local cemetery.
The good news is your favorite team won the game today.
The bad news is that this means they come second last in the final rankings.
The good news is that it’s not last
The bad news is that Mike Tyson was buried in your cemetery/yard after the avalanche, and the guy across the street successfully brings him back from the dead.
The good news is, you put $50 bucks on the game.
The bad news is, the Gaming Authority has been cracking down on sporting bets, and your name is at the top of the list.
The good news is your new cell mate isn’t nick named Chocolate Cake.
The bad news is his nickname is “Pete the Pounder” and he thinks you have a purty mouth.
The good news is you’re name is on the internet.
The bad news is that it’s on a site advertising “naked virgin teenage lesbian sluts” fucking walruses
The good news is that nobody put the other photos on the net
The bad news is they were published in the newspaper.
The good news is the newspaper never went to print.
The bad news is he’s looking for someone to bail him out of jail.
The good news is it was for a jaywalking beef.
The bad news is the corpse of Mike Tyson is coming to the jail to protect his love.
The good news is those bastards at the newspaper office got arrested for having underage porn.
The bad news is, they didn’t have underage porn after all, so they were acquitted and now they’re coming after you with torches and pitchforks.
The good news is, they found your cat.
The bad news is, your cat is now a bloodthirsty zombie.
The good news is, Ghostbusters is running a special on zombie exterminations.
The bad news is, Ghostbusters is part of the mob.
The good news is, there’s an alternative in the Yellow Pages.