Oh fart, I missed it. Sorry, Johnny.
Agus ag a raibh an labhra seo?
What, too soon?
(FWIW, my heritage is Irish.)
Why would this be a problem? Are you promoting the stereotype of the Irish as drunken violent brawlers?
As opposed to your two knee-slappers?
A Chinese guy walks into an Irish Pub and takes a seat. Sitting next to him, an Irish bloke asks: “Say me laddy, do you know karate or any martial arts?”
Offended, the guy asks: “Why you ask me that? Because I’m Chinese?”
“No me laddy, it’s because yer drinking me beer!”
Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food?
Neither have they!
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Three Irishmen came into a teahouse.
Of course you’ve heard of the two gay Irishmen?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
mmm
Yes. When I was 14. In 1982. It hasn’t aged well.
Oh, well, in that case:
What’s a gay Irishman’s favorite Cape Cod road sign? Entering Dennis.
OK, this one doesn’t fit your one-liner requirement, but if you need to burn a little time due to an unforeseen delay…
This guy was walking through the forest and came upon a leprechaun. Knowing what was going on, he quickly reached out and grabbed the leprechaun by the ankle, saying, “I know the rules! I caught you and now you have to give me three wishes.” The leprechaun, not pleased with the situation starts swinging and kicking and cussing. When he realizes he can’t get free, the leprechaun says “OK, what are your wishes? I got places to go!” The Irishman says “First, I want a pint of Guinness that will never go dry.” POOF! Magically a pint of Guinness appears and he takes it and takes a big swig. It’s still full! He takes another, draining the glass. After he wipes his mouth, the glass is full, again. The leprechaun says “OK, you got your Guinness, what else do you want?”
The Irishman replies, “I want two more glasses, just like this one!”
I’ve enjoyed many of the jokes in this thread, but this was the only one that made me laugh out loud.
Brexit
Really? You find this funny?
Six guys are playing poker when Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
O’Malley looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Ripley, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is. “Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.”
Ripley walks over to the Murphy house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Ripley says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”
She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”
Ripley says, “I’ll tell him.”
What’s a 7 course meal in Ireland? A six pack and a potato.
Kate is sitting with her husband Seamus, who is dying. He wakes to find her quietly weeping. “What’s the matter me girl?” “Ah, I can’t bear the thought of ye dying.” “Ah , well, tis a pity for sure… now I want to yo do somthin’ for me, before I die, and they lay me in in the auld sod” “Anything, my love, I promise! " She sobs. Well I was just lying here thinking of all the things I’ll miss, and I was thinking of that good brown bread ya use ta make, with the raisins in it… I thought of it till it seemed to me I could almost smell it, and now before I die, could I trouble ya for a wee piece of it?” " Nae, ya can’t have any, ya auld fart, I’m saving it for the wake!"
Ok, I won’t type it out - and a spoiler is probably warranted…