Really? You find this funny?
mmm
Yes, of course. If you intentionally shoot yourself in the foot, I might feel sympathy for your pain, but it’s still funny.
Oh, wait. I thought this was jokes that make Irish people laugh.
Here’s a song you can cover, perfect for the day:
:DSee post #35.
A Scotsman left the pub drunk, and passed out on the street. His kilt was turned up and his penis was clearly visible. The Next morning, some little girls walked by, giggled, and tied a big ribbon to it.
When the Scotsman woke up, he noticed the ribbon, and smiled, “I dunno where ye’ve been, laddie, but I see you won first prize.”
I don’t even have to look into the bastion of civility to know where all this attention came from, now do I?
:dubious:
The Scotsman. As heard on Dr. Demento’s show.
I said I’d heard it, not that I thought it was funny. Although when I was 14 I would have probably made homo jokes too: thankfully, I grew up in the intervening generation and a half.
Lighten up Francis
Tragic news: Ireland’s worst ever air accident was announced today, as a 4-seater Cessna plane crashed into St. Mary’s churchyard in Dublin. So far they’ve found over 1000 bodies and workers say there’s more to come.
Padraig lay on his deathbed, knowing he had only hours left to live. He smelled the aroma of corned beef and cabbage* wafting up from the kitchen. He calls to his wife, ‘Molly, Dear Heart, before I pass, I’d love for you to bring me a last bowl of your wonderful corned beef and cabbage!’ Molly calls back, ‘Sure an’ I can’t do that! I’m savin’ it for the wake!’
*Yes, I know.
What’s an Irishman’s idea of foreplay?
“Brace yourself, Bridget!”
Why do Scotsman wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Why do people keep posting Scotsman jokes in a St. Patricks day joke thread? Are you drunk already?
Just the punch lines…
“35, are ya? And you still believe in leprechauns?”
“Sure, and I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!”
“Ah, tisn’t bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”
Paddy walks into the pub, and the barkeep says, “Paddy, do my eyes deceive me or have you got a steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?”
Paddy replies, “Aye, and it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
This one works best if the dialogue is drawn out a bit, and also benefits from the Irish brogue. But I’ll adhere to the OP’s request as best I can…
After being at the pub for several hours, Paddy and Mike are really in their cups.
Paddy turns to Mike and says, “Mike, when I’m dead and buried, I want you to take a bottle of the finest Irish whiskey and pour it over me grave. Will ye do that for me?”
Mike replies, “Sure and I will…but would ye mind very much if it passed through me kidneys first?”
Just a response to all the “Irishman drinking beer” jokes…
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper, and is the saving of him. — Mark Twain, attributed
(No, I don’t find it particularly funny, but we Irish love literary references)
A FARK Headline:
Not short, but I don’t care.
Two leprechauns go all timid into a church. One of them goes up to the priest and says, “Father, can I trouble ye to answer a question?”
“To be sure, son, what’s botherin ye?”
“Father,” the leprechaun says, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in this parish?”
The priest smiles. “No, me son, I’m afraid there are no leprechaun nuns in this parish.”
The leprechaun thinks. “Aye, then, can ye tell me: are there any leprechaun nuns in Ireland?”
“No, me son, there are no leprechaun nuns in Ireland, why d’ye ask?”
The leprechaun looks distressed now. “Father, tell me true, are there any leprechaun nuns in this whole world?”
“I’m sorry, me son, there are no leprechaun nuns in this whole world!”
At this point, the other leprechaun bursts out laughing and punches his friend. “I TOLD ye! I TOLD ye ye fooked a penguin!”