The one that always sticks out for me is when Stan is in Heaven, and he lost a judgement on the worthiness of his soul. He gets desperate, and points his gun at the Angelic Judge.
Judge: laughs Your gun has no power here.
*Stan grabs the Angelic Bailiffs golden gun
Guy1: That’s a Heaven gun! It could kill anyone! Even angels!
American Dad is at its best when referring to Hayley’s sex life. Which is both disturbing and kinda hilarious when you think about it. But the best has to be after Hayley describes some absolutely filthy sex act to Stan (who she thinks is his CIA double) and then he just replies
Stan: You SLEPT with my daughter?!
Bullock: Well to get technical, there wasn’t a whole lot of ‘sleeping’ going on. Removes a pair of panties, hands them to Haley
Stan: Penis! I mean, Haley!
The passcode to activate Hayley as a sleeper agent has to be something nobody would willingly say, so they went with “I’m getting fed up with this orgasm!”
Family Guy “stole” the joke and went with “Gosh, that Italian family at the next table sure is quiet.”
Roger: Samantha! Meghan! Steve, meet your new personal assistants.
Steve: Ladies, take a memo. “Boing!” Sincerely, Steve Smith. Dictated, but not read.
Again when Hayley had temporarily become a killing machine… Stan is holding a gun on her and threateningly says, “Hayley, don’t make me…” (She easily grabs the gun and then points it at him) “…hug you, because I love you so much!”
When a CIA drug ages him overnight, Steve turns into a very old man and is disgusted by how dessicated his genitalia has become. “It’s like my withered 'nads are playing Gnip Gnop!”
The very end of the episode where Steve and his friends just ran a Warriors style gauntlet and they are trapped on the school bus. They plan a big Butch and Sundance escape, with Steve saying “maybe we can take some of them with us”. and at the very end just as the picture fades to black you hear Steve say “we aren’t taking any of them with us”.
Those lines. . . they just killed us. It was a pausing the Tivo, “I can’t believe. . .that was so WRONG!”, tears in our eyes, a full minute before we could continue sort of slaying.
Although I can’t Google any two quotes that agree, I remember the first line as more like, “Say Smith, you know what I was thinking about last night as I was GAZING at the back of your daughter’s head?” Stewart’s lecherous inflection made the line even worse than it looks in print.
Yeah, I was going by memory so I doubt I had the exact wording.
One more – Steve and his friends are watching “The Soiling”, the movie so scary that it comes with a free diaper.
Steve: [To Barry] You gonna use your diaper? I’m kind of floating over here.
Barry: Sure. Let me just…
[interrupted by scary scene]
Barry: Sorry. Ocupado.