Great American Dad quotes

The one that always sticks out for me is when Stan is in Heaven, and he lost a judgement on the worthiness of his soul. He gets desperate, and points his gun at the Angelic Judge.

Judge: laughs Your gun has no power here.

*Stan grabs the Angelic Bailiffs golden gun

Guy1: That’s a Heaven gun! It could kill anyone! Even angels!

Guy2: :dubious: Why do we have heaven guns again?

The things Roger says that are too numerous to count but my favorite:

Roger: I owe her an apology cuz I have her all three hepitituses…hepitituses? Hepititi?..oh well I gave her all of em

The many times he just stops and says: Wait…who am I talking to?

Pretty much everything Avery Bullock says.

Like in the episode where he’s dating Hayley:
“I had an idea last night when I was looking at the back of your daughter’s head…”

“May I have some Gatorade? I’m afraid I left all my electrolytes with your daughter.”

[after riding Stan like a horse] “Thanks for the ride, Smith. I owe you a sugar cube!”

[after getting beaten to a bloody pulp in the diner] “They’re all actors! All right everybody, strike the set. I’ll see you at the cast party!”

From that same episode: “Stan, you’re holding a gun to God’s head. I can’t think of a metaphor that’s better than this.”

Those two lines killed me when I watched that episode.

If I Ameri-can’t teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will.

American Dad is at its best when referring to Hayley’s sex life. Which is both disturbing and kinda hilarious when you think about it. But the best has to be after Hayley describes some absolutely filthy sex act to Stan (who she thinks is his CIA double) and then he just replies

“You used to watch Sesame Street.”

My favorite Bullock moment in that episode was when he wandered downstairs, singing Little Girls.

There were some good ones from the episode where Steve’s fat friend Barry turns into an evil genius:

Barry: Hey, Steve. Somebody left this on your front porch.
Steve: That’s a doormat, Barry.
Barry: Who’s Matt Barry?

And Steve’s whole exchange where he’s giving the dolphin the brush-off. “You know Gary the manatee? Well, I’ll see you through Gary!”

From the episode where Roger throws a spring break party:

Steve: Begone, drunken temptress! I shan’t waste an ounce of wiener on your.

Stan: You SLEPT with my daughter?!
Bullock: Well to get technical, there wasn’t a whole lot of ‘sleeping’ going on.
Removes a pair of panties, hands them to Haley
Stan: Penis! I mean, Haley!

The passcode to activate Hayley as a sleeper agent has to be something nobody would willingly say, so they went with “I’m getting fed up with this orgasm!”

Family Guy “stole” the joke and went with “Gosh, that Italian family at the next table sure is quiet.”

I really loved the whole Ollie North song, does that count as a quote?

I liked where he was trying to decide on what he wanted to say as he discovered the gold:

“Eh, you! …because the symbol for gold is ‘Au’, get it?”

Roger: Samantha! Meghan! Steve, meet your new personal assistants.
Steve: Ladies, take a memo. “Boing!” Sincerely, Steve Smith. Dictated, but not read.

Again when Hayley had temporarily become a killing machine… Stan is holding a gun on her and threateningly says, “Hayley, don’t make me…” (She easily grabs the gun and then points it at him) “…hug you, because I love you so much!”

When a CIA drug ages him overnight, Steve turns into a very old man and is disgusted by how dessicated his genitalia has become. “It’s like my withered 'nads are playing Gnip Gnop!”

The very end of the episode where Steve and his friends just ran a Warriors style gauntlet and they are trapped on the school bus. They plan a big Butch and Sundance escape, with Steve saying “maybe we can take some of them with us”. and at the very end just as the picture fades to black you hear Steve say “we aren’t taking any of them with us”.

Those lines. . . they just killed us. It was a pausing the Tivo, “I can’t believe. . .that was so WRONG!”, tears in our eyes, a full minute before we could continue sort of slaying.

Although I can’t Google any two quotes that agree, I remember the first line as more like, “Say Smith, you know what I was thinking about last night as I was GAZING at the back of your daughter’s head?” Stewart’s lecherous inflection made the line even worse than it looks in print.

Yeah, I was going by memory so I doubt I had the exact wording.

One more – Steve and his friends are watching “The Soiling”, the movie so scary that it comes with a free diaper.

Steve: [To Barry] You gonna use your diaper? I’m kind of floating over here.
Barry: Sure. Let me just…
[interrupted by scary scene]
Barry: Sorry. Ocupado.

“Tell them how you killed our baby, Amanda.”