“A machine that turns water into cocaine… I’ll just hold onto this…” and another Bullock and cocaine joke.
“Steve Smith! Ricky Spanish! We’re doing cocaine and shooting guns. I just met this woman and I’m really into it!!!"
Then he jumps through a plateglass window.
Steve asks his friends to kill him because he thinks he’s a werewolf.
Toshi (translated): You have shamed me by offering me my greatest wish.
A world without children! Future generations would thank us!
“You sunk my battleship. 800 souls were lost.”
“Among them, Lieutenant Don Sharp. He made it through the bulkhead before it was closed. At least, half of him did…”
Ohhhhhhhh…
Say can you see-ah! By the dawn’s early light-ah…Girl I’m gonna love you…gonna rock that body tonight-ah
Is that so Which is both distressing and kind of entertaining when you think about it. But the best has to be after Hayley explains some definitely dirty sex act to Stan and then he just replies.
Steve is running away from home and he grabs a string of condoms.
“I’ll need these on the road! …God willing, I’ll have time to slide them on my attackers.”
More of a sight gag: Klaus gets a new body in the form of a black guy (with German accent, of course). He sets his sights on Francine, and goes to the grocery store. First he looks at the regular condoms. Then he dismisses that and looks at the extra large condoms. For a second it looks like he needs these - then he grabs a garbage bag!.. to fill with medium condoms.
Roger talking to his business partner on the phone.
“What about my investments? My racehorses?”
<pause>
“I thought YOU were feeding them!”
Roger gets a taunting note from Steve after getting scammed:
Stan tries to convince a little kid to fill his pockets with rocks so that he can save the kid from drowning in a pool:
I liked the “I’m straight thin but gay fat” comment. Applies to me for sure <_< Straight people think I’m thin, but amongst the gays I’m one of the heavier guys!
Stan: “Son, part of gun ownership is accidentally killing someone once in a while.”
(Stan goes on a date with a woman named Joanna)
Joanna: That’s a good-lookin’ Glock. Your wife give you that Glock?
Stan: I’m recently divorced. You?
Joanna: No, I’m married to my work.
Stan: Law enforcement? Mercenary?
Joanna: No, the complete opposite.
Stan: Couch upholsterer?
Joanna: Bingo.
Stan: You run a bingo parlor?
Joanna: Yes.
(later, on the beach…)
Joanna: Oh, a wedding. Lots of guys are afraid of commitment.
Stan: I’m not. I’ll commit to anything. I’m on a six-year cell phone plan.
Joanna: I have a 14-year gym membership.
Stan: I have a lifetime subscription to Ebony. Checked the wrong box. Not giving it up.
Maybe not the line itself, but the way Stan delivers it I just think is hilarious:
Steve’s fat friend is evil without his vitamins, but at the end he’s back to being stupid:
“We’re going faster than people!”
“SHUT UP Fatty fat fat fatty!”
Fatty can drink from the hose!
Stan’s Mom: Oh, Stan, at least I have you. You’ll always be my number one man.
Stan: And you’re my number one gal.
Francine: What about me?
Stan: Francine, I can’t put a number on you. But you’re definitely woman “B” in my life.
Later in that episode, a highly-wired Bullock is in a motel room, wearing only a yellow speedo and a pair of winter boots, pacing nervously and talking to a man wearing an undershirt and a mullet:
“Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, listen to me, Charlie, CHARLIE!.. what’s your name again?”
Whenever Stan is on the phone it’s hilarious
“I’d like two tickets to the Garden of Eden”
<pause>
“What do you mean you don’t fly to biblical allegories?”
“Well then you and I have two very different definitions of silly! Remind me never to go to the circus with you…we would have nothing to talk about.”
Plastic Surgeon: Your breasts are fine. It would be unethical for me to recommend anything larger. But may I suggest a third breast?
Francine: I don’t think- -
Plastic Surgeon: Okay, how about two in the back? Or I can combine these two into one fantastic super-boob!
Francine: Can I just get a little Botox?
Plastic Surgeon: No one ever wants the super-boob.
And later, Klaus says: “I’d gladly go halfsies on a super-boob.”