This dialogue after Steve loses a superexpensive drone cracks me up
Stan:* Son, I’m so sorry. I was wrong.*
Steve: What are you talking about? This is my fault.
Stan: No, when you were little and I told you there was nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you. Son…I was wrong.
El perro, el perro, es mi corazón,
El gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno.
Cilantro es cantante,
Cilantro es muy famoso,
Cilantro es el hombre con el queso del diablo.
El perro, el perro, nunca sin razón,
El gato, el gato, el gato es obsceno.
Cilantro es caliente, Cilantro es cariñoso,
Stan: By the way, what does the Anti-Christ look like?
Jesus: Believe me, you’ll know him when you see him.
[Stan shoots a creepy-looking schoolboy.]
Jesus: AHH! What did you do that for?!
Stan: That was the Anti-Christ!
Jesus: No! There’s a prep school two blocks away. Sometimes the kids come in here and play!
Stan: Then I guess I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie-daisies.
The thing that bothered me about that episode - there can’t be that many Rapture-believing Episcopalians.
And when the Anti-Christ’s death trap (“instead of walking on water, you’re swimming in land!”) falls apart:
“Get it? Jesus is a carpenter and I’m not handy at all!”
Maybe not many, but you’d better believe that Stan would one of them.
What’s fun to think about, is technically everything that happens after that episode is just all part of Stan’s heaven fantasy.
I can’t do it. -
“Can’t”? We don’t live in “Ameri-can’t,” Steve. We live in America.
No, no, no no, wait. We live in “Ameri-can.”
No, wait, that’s not right, wait. We are “Ameri-can.”
Where was I going with this?
Um, I said, “Creative writing is hard.” -
Oh, yeah, yeah. Perseverance, Steve, it’s all about perseverance.
And if I Ameri-can’t teach you about it I have a friend who Ameri-will.
Stan: Francine’s pretty mad at me for bailing on her. She made me have sex by myself last night.
Roger: Yeah, I know. We were watching CSI together.