Another interaction I love:
“19”
“Hit me”
“20”
“Hit me”
“21”
“Hit me”
“22”
“D’oh!”
No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy!
Bart and Lisa are looking at a badger in Santa’s Little Helper’s dog house, when Homer comes out:
Homer: Television broken?
Bart: No, there’s a badger in there
Homer: Badger my ass, it’s probably Millhouse
Homer sticks his head in, there’s a growl and the doghouse shakes. Homer comes back out.
Homer: It’s a badger alright.
Homer: I think we should call a doctor about this. (He lifts his shirt up to reveal a huge gash on his stomach with visible organs)
Lisa: How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer: What am I, a tailor?
Psychiatrist to Marge: “Is this ‘God’ in the room right now?”
The quotes I use or paraphrase on a semi-regular basis:
‘I was raised by TV and I turned out TV.’ - Homer
‘I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-ry day. Then it was every other day. Now I’m lucky if I can find a half hour a week in which I can get funky.’ - Homer
<The concert was like a drug> ‘but what was even more like a drug was the drugs.’ - Homer
‘They call them fingers, but I’ve never seen them fing.’ - Otto
‘Shut up brain or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip.’ - Homer
‘It’s just a little dirty, it’s still good, it’s still good. It’s just a little slimey, it’s still good, it’s still good. It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good.’ - Homer
‘Fire, fire, fire, fire . . .’ - unknown coworker during fire drill while running in circles and flapping his hands.
‘Can’t sleep, clown’ll eat me.’ - Bart
‘Woah! That’s good squishie.’ - Bart
But for some reason, I think the best line they’ve written is:
‘Eh, Homer Simpson. He thinks he’s the pope of chili town.’ - Chief Wiggum
Checks out, okay Sir, you’re free to go.
Good, because I’ve got a hot date tonight.
BUZZ
a date.
BUZZ
Dinner with friends.
BUZZ
Dinner alone.
BUZZ
Watching TV alone.
BUZZ
Alright, I/m going to sit at home ogling the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret catalog.
BUZZ
Sears catalog.
DING
Would you unhook me already, please? I don’t deserve this shabby treatment.
BUZZ
“…so I said ‘Look, buddy, your car was upside down when I got here. And as for your grandmother, she shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.’”
Chief Wiggum: “What are you doing home from school?”
Ralph Wiggum: “My teacher says she’s tired of trying”.
Blackjack-happy NASA goon: “Sent away” (in reponse to being asked 'Where’d you get that?")
NASA administrator, referring to James Taylor: “Wait a minute - this unkempt youngster may be on to something!”
“Second comes right after first!”
[SIZE=“1”] Buzz Aldrin, after being introduced as the Second Man on the Moon[/SIZE]
I defer to Mark Twain - my favorite Simpsons quote is the last one I heard.
Alone! I’m alone! I’m a lonely insignificant speck on a has been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
“Family, religion, friendship … these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.”
Grandpappy: They was taking us to Capital City, to see the Nutcracker and I wandered away from the group and married a bear and I started up my family.
Old Woman: I told you, I ain’t a bear!
Grandpappy: Rawr, rawr, rawr! No one understands you, She-Bear!
(Asked why his flag is missing a star)
Grandpa: I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missoura!
Spiderpig, Spiderpig
Does whatever a Spiderpig does
Does he swing from a thread?
No he can’t, he’s a pig.
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help films as Smoke Yourself Thin and Get Confident, Stupid!” -Troy McClure
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as Earwigs: Eww! and Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory” -Troy McClure
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food” - Ralph
“I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaaaaming.” - Homer
…and, when the doctor said I didn’t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life!
…then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that’s why it was the best summer ever!
Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
I bent my Wookie. 
And you both forgot when Grandpa says “it’ll happen to you”.
Marge: We got the popcorn. Did you get Waiting to Exhale?
Homer: Well, they put us on a Waiting to Exhale waiting list, but they said don’t hold your breath
“Kill my boss? Do I dare live the American dream?”
This quote just made me realize that 500 episodes on, Whitney Houston is dead. Here’s to the next 500 episodes!
Two other very useful quotes: “Yoink!”
And, after someone falls down or gets hurt, you can always weakly pipe up “… I’m OK…”
Lionel Hutz: “Your Honor, I move for a bad court thingy.”
Judge: “You mean, a mistrial?”
Hutz: “Yep! That’s why you’re the judge and I’m the law-talkin’ guy.”
Grampa: “Dear Mr. President, there are too many states these days. Please eliminate three. I AM NOT A CRACKPOT!”
Satan: “I give you the Jury of the Damned: Benedict Arnold, Lizzy Borden, Richard Nixon–”
Nixon: “But I’m not dead yet! [note: true at the time] In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.”
Satan: “Hey, I did a favor for you!”
Nixon: “Yes, master.”
And my all-time favorite:
“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”
I accidentally ran over his dog. Just replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and “dog” with “son.”