Guys, do you introduce the girls you're dating to one another?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I just had an incredibly bizarre boyfriend experience…

I’ve been dating this guy for about a year and, for most of this time, he’s been dating this other girl as well. Apparently she met him before I did, they had some rockiness when she went abroad for a semester, and I met him while she was away. So I knew about her before she knew about me, but we both became aware of eachother within the last couple of months or so. Within the last month, he’s veered away from her and more towards me, promising me sexual exclusivity (whereas before he was fucking both of us and I knew it and was very angsty over it) and telling me that, while he’s not “dating” the other one anymore per se, they’re still close friends.

Then today, in a restaurant, at the very end of the meal, he says, “I have someone for you to meet,” and goes outside and brings her in, and of course she didn’t know anything about this either, and we both had a very awkward time meeting, him saying, “I thought it was time you both should meet! We should all be friends!”

Now, I consider this extremely insensitive and inappropriate, considering as how I’m still feeling very insecure over how much he’s still seeing her (and even brought her to a family dinner recently that I didn’t get invited to- his explanation being that she knows his father better and I already had plans that night anyway- which bothered me a lot, honestly) and how, even if he did want us to be friends, it’s unrealistic to expect it out of us this soon after months of tension about him dating both of us at once, us feeling naturally competitive.

Also, I feel like we should have been prepared for it, not a complete surprise to both of us. It could have been ugly but, we’re both nice girls, so it wasn’t.

He also said maybe the three of us should hang out sometime. Frankly, I am NOT seeing that happening. I have nothing against her, but it’s too weird, especially if she still wants to date him and I’ve “won”, so to speak. How am I supposed to act around him, then? I feel like anything I did would be overly fakey, and I’d be watching what I said constantly, jealous about anything she said about their time together, and just ansty and uncomfortable in general!

Anyway, I want to know if this is something I should be angry about or not. Have other guys done this? How would you react?

P.S. He’s 40, and we’re 23 and 24, if that has any relevence.

2

He clearly wants to fuck both of you at the same time.

3

That’s putting it more bluntly than I would, but it’s the same conclusion I came to. Introducing you is probably step one in his fantasy, step two is you become friends, and step three…

4

Er, you haven’t dumped him yet? Why not?

No, you shouldn’t be “angry,” per se, you should never see him again.

It sure does. He dates younger women because he feels he can manipulate them. So far, he may be right. Prove him wrong.

5

Run. Away. NOW.

Seriously, this guy is a bastard who wants to have his cake and eat it too, and by that I mean, he wants to fuck you both, and you know what? He is. I don’t even know you and I know you deserve better.

6

That guy is my new hero. He’s got some brass balls on him.

7

I’m not clear on the dynamics here, but does wanting to fuck both of them(at the same time would be preferred) make me an evil person? I thought it was a fairly normal sort of thing to want.

Can you tell us exactly how he convinced you to allow him to fuck the other girl after you two were already together, despite the fact that you are clearly not into that kind of thing? I could learn a thing or two from this guy.

8

This guy is a “playah” to use a term from another thread. Get away. Now. Then get a GYN checkup.

9

Well, it’s not as if we were “exclusive” right away, I was seeing other people and he was seeing this other girl, but I settled down and started seeing only him before he was willing to give her up- he told me I should be patient, that he wants to know who is right for him before he dumps either me or her completely, which sounds reasonable, but now it’s hit a point where I feel as if he should be making a clear decision one way or the other… and, if he’s choosing me, she should NOT be invited to his family party OR spending the night at all, regardless of whether they’re banging or not…

10

And you’ve told him this?

11

He knows I don’t like it- when I brought up the idea of him even telling me when she’s spending the night, so I don’t feel paranoid about wondering, he rolled his eyes and said something to the effect that I shouldn’t be policing him, that a friend can stay over and I shouldn’t have a problem with it, that he can’t date paranoid girls and, technically, he can do whatever he wants- he promised me he wouldn’t have sex with her, so what’s the problem? I don’t want to be a bitch and insist that he not see her at all, but it’s like, she sees him and stays over about once a week, and this seems like way too often for just friends.

And I only found out that he invited her to his family event today, and I mentioned it briefly as being hurt, and he got annoyed, telling me it doesn’t “mean anything”, that he’s not going to have sex with her, and I had plans anyway, so he shouldn’t have to go alone. He also knows I don’t like his family, so I wouldn’t have wanted to go, but the fact that he’s inviting her to go along as if they’re still dating is uncomfortable to me…

12

Dude, they ARE still dating.

13

This man sounds, at best, manipulative and immature. A mature, available 40 year-old man does not say, in effect, “I can see other girls, you’re not the boss of me!” Take some good advice offered here and DTMA.

14

He sounds great. The two of you should get married as soon as possible.

15

fuck you giraffe

16

The more you write about him, the more manipulative and conniving he sounds. Not above lying either, I bet. He’s making you feel bad for wanting to be treated like his girlfriend. You shouldn’t.

To restate: no, it’s not OK for his ex to stay over once a week or go with him to family gatherings if you’re supposed to be in an exclusive relationship. The very idea is laughable-- no way would I ever do that to my boyfriend, nor would he to me. That’s not the behavior of someone who gives a damn how you feel. If you’re not in an exclusive relationship and you want to be, then leave him. He’s going to do what he wants and make you feel bad for having the very natural desire to feel loved and special.

Honestly, why do you want to be involved with someone who makes you feel paranoid and hurt, but doesn’t care that his behavior has this effect? This guy can’t tolerate being alone and has to have an auxiliary girlfriend just in case the primary is busy. That shows that… wait for it… he’s just not that into you. You can find someone who wants to be with only you. Until then, be alone. It’s better than being in bad company, which you are now.

17

Now that’s just rude.

It’s also very much against the board rules, which don’t allow for personal insults in any of the forums besides the BBQ Pit (which is really the best forum, anyway). Don’t do it again, or we’ll ban you.

18

I agree with the majority of the posters in this thread so far. Get a good pair of sneakers, have a good stretch and make sure you’re all loosened up, grab a couple of bottles of water and RUN as fast as you can for as long as you can in the opposite direction of this man.

Don’t get angsty, don’t get mad, just get out.

19

God, Giraffe. You took a cheap shot at her when she’s feeling bad. Not cool. Give the girl a break.

starfishfillet, Pit him next time. You have a case. And break up with the jerk who’s making you feel like crap.

20

That’s not being a bitch - is that something he’s been telling you? - that’s a completely normal desire for an exclusive relationship.

They ain’t just friends. Unless you are completely comfortable sharing this man with someone else, in every sense, then get out of this relationship ASAP.