What a fun guy! Or a fungi, really. Maybe he wanted you both to overreact and he’d get to see a catfight. Some guys like that.
Girl, if you want exclusive, find a man who does also. he does not, nor can you prove he isn’t still having sex with her.
It would be so cool if you and the other woman dumped him, in public, too. Fun all around.
I’m a big believer in platonic opposite-sex friendships, trusting your partner, getting along with your exes, etc. And I have an ex-boyfriend with whom I’d happily sleep over if our locations were more convenient. But even to me, this seems unbelievably fishy.
Do you have a way of contacting the Other Woman? Give her a call, say something like, “Hi, I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I seemed weird on Sunday. I don’t have a problem with you personally, of course, it’s just that the whole situation’s a bit stressful…” Bet you a dollar it’ll turn out that she’s been getting a different story.
I’d tell you to run away, like everyone else is, but I think this’d be more convincing. Plus, if you just leave, the other girl will be stuck with this guy, and it doesn’t sound like she’s awful enough to deserve that.
I vote you get to know this girl, become friends with her. Get him really excited about the degree that you both are “getting along” wink wink nudge nudge
Then you both dump his ass.
I wouldn’t say Giraffe’s comment was a pot-shot. That she would view it as being a low-blow is more of an indicator than anything where starfish stands in regards to this guy.
That is, it was a very simple and effective way of getting to the truth of the matter.
If you think it’s gross or insulting to have it suggested that you marry him, well… And if you do think so poorly of him that you wouldn’t even consider him for some sort of long term monogamous relationship, I’m not sure why you are trying for monogamy.
If you want to look for a serious relationship, you’re going to have to find someone where the suggestion of getting married wouldn’t come as an insult–even if you weren’t currently interested. Otherwise, you may as well go for the threesome. If you’re just dating him for the thrill of his personality, may as well follow where it leads…
No. It’s not reasonable at all; he has merely persuaded you that it is. This doesn’t sound terribly different to that thing married men do to their ‘bit on the side’ to string them along; promise that at some future point, it will all be resolved, in the meantime, let’s screw! The guy is a scumbag and clearly doesn’t really care about you (or at the very least, cares about himself much, much more). Run.
HA! Stealth Mod!
[Batman Theme]
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Stealth Mod!
[/BT]
Newbie: Did you see that?!? What ther hell just happened?!?
Everyone else: Huh? See what? We didn’t see anything.
:: wistling ::
:: avoiding eye contact with newbie ::
I remember reading an article in Hustler magazine about ten or so years ago.
The topic of the article was “How to get two women in bed at the same time.”
Word for word the article said to do what the OP’s so called boyfriend has done to her.
I remeber thinking to myself when I read that article: “Bwahahahaha! What a load of crap. Girls wouldn’t fall for this shit.”
Apparently I was wrong.
Assuming you don’t take everybody’s advice to just get away from this crrep, maybe this will help you to discover his truc colours.
Next time he gives you the line about “I just want to wait and find out for sure what’s best for me”, try replying “Hey, what about what’s best for ME, you fucking jackass!”
I don’t think that Giraffe’s comment was a cheap shot but an ironic “wake up” call, BUT when starfishfillet took it as provocation, G’s pulling Mos Status was excessive.
You say something that can be considered snarky to a person who is already upset & they snap back, then pulling your rank is not cool.
I think that you should lay off of Giraffe. That was what you call ‘wit.’ In particular, ‘irony.’ If this girl is so sensitive that she can’t see that, then she is not going to fare well, even if Giraffe played all of the loving father-mother-DrPhil-Oprah roles that one could imagine. Let’s be real-the girl is only going to listen to her BF anyway, if I read the thread correctly. She’s too entrenched in PC to pull herself out of this. The “Insensitive to my feelings…” themes, in light of what he’s doing, tip me off that he only needs the correct buzzwords, and she’ll be doing everything he asks/demands, and picling up his other girlfriend, and driving her to the party as well.
hh
No, it was a pot-shot, and I reacted the way I did because the gamut of acceptable non-potshot replies could have ranged from “this guy is an asshole” to “he’s insensitive and oblivious”. No appropriate response would have afforded accolades to his behavior, merely warded me off a strongly negative reaction. For Giraffe to read what is so clearly a post about borderline behavior and then squawk at me to marry him is obnoxious.
Meanwhile, maybe this guy is more of a creep than I’ve thought, but god… I’m supposed to be a smart one, too!
That wqould be **picking ** her up
hh
Well there is no doubt that he wants both of you, most likely at the same time. So kick around the idea to see if you are interested in that, if so go for it, if not either walk away, or do as suggested above.
Starfishfillet, dump this guy. Dump him now.
He’s still seeing his ex. You’re obviously not comfortable with that. I wouldn’t be, either. Not only is he still seeing her, but he’s not being too up-front about it with you.
No matter how much fun you think he is, no matter how much he makes you laugh, no matter how much he lights up a room just by being in it, there are a few things you should acknowledge, even if it hurts to be this honest:
-
This guy’s not going to be monogamous and faithful to you. Ever. He wants to be with both of you at the same time. The fact that he takes his other girlfriend, and not you, to family gatherings is a very bad sign. The fact that he doesn’t care that you feel hurt by that is even worse.
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The guy’s perfectly willing to lie to you about something that you’ve told him is really important to you. Someone who respects you and is worthy of your love and commitment doesn’t do that.
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He’s manipulating you so that he can keep sleeping with you and his so-called ex at the same time. I’m not so sure why you’re willing to consider what he’s doing as “reasonable,” when it’s obviously not reasonable–or fair–to you. His introducing you to his other girlfriend in a restaurant and saying, “Let’s all be friends!” is no more than an attempt to legitimize his two-timing the both of you. If what he’s doing makes you feel lousy, and your BF isn’t acknowledging or accepting the way you feel, then he’s not worth getting upset over. Dump him.
In short, get rid of this guy. He’s a loser. In the long run, all he’s going to do is make you very angry (I’m suprised he hasn’t already) and bring you a lot of pain. The sooner you dump him, the better off you’ll be.
There are articles in Hustler magazine? And people read them? Wow, what is this world coming to?
Eh. Smart is one thing… It’s actual life experience that you need in order to recognize the dumb things people will actually do in relationships. Particularly when it’s your own relationship, not someone else’s.
Oh, and while love transcends all boundaries of age race class religion etc, and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything when a 40-year-old dates a 23- or 24-year-old… C’mon, two of you? At the same time? What are the chances of that? If your relative youth isn’t a factor, wouldn’t it also be reasonable for him to be occasionally dating women who are, say, 55?
And while I’m posting anyway… while I’m sure it’s no fun to have strong feelings for two people and not be able to decide who’s right for you, the honorable, decent, respectful thing to do while he was figuring it out would have been to NOT BANG EITHER OF YOU.
Am I the only one who thinks the whole OP is a little, um, fishy? I mean, I’ve known some naive people in my time, but this seems to go beyond the pale.
In fact, the response to Giraffe just about confirms that the OP knew exactly what kind of advice she’d get, which makes me wonder why she’s asking the question…
It all seems pretty obvious to me - he’s a lying jerk, you’re a sucker. The other woman is sleeping over, but they’re not having sex? Yeah right.
Dump the jerk. If you don’t, you have no right to whine or complain because I think he’s made it very clear what kind of person he is.
Yeeah, yes you are.
So…How YOu doin’? 
This man will never, ever be in a truly monogamous relationship with you, even if he says he is. If you can’t accept that, then find a new boyfriend.