And since he was being ironic, and saying do the opposite of marry him, how is that different from what other posters have said, i.e., run very far and vary fast.
You may be smart but you are caught up and intelligent may not equal emotional clarity.
Hey, you, get outta my mind! 
Sure, boss.
Ah, but you and everyone who jumped in to defend poor, innocent Giraffe have read me wrong. It wasn’t the comment about getting married that bothered me so much. It was the immediate threat of banning that got me. You make a wise crack and the newbie overreacts, so you threaten banning? That’s a pot shot that you or I couldn’t take.
Yeah, but there’s no danger of that loving parent role happening, since the first infraction gets a ban threat.
But I agree that starfishfillet is in a bad way here and needs to take the overwhelming advice in this thread and get the hell out. She has been (forgive me for saying so) fished in.
I’d introduce him to “good-bye”.
But then, I like exclusivity, especially in HIV-times.
Now, I fully agree that this guy is a jerk that should be dumped before he sees another sunrise, but I’d just like to point out that the above isn’t impossible. I’ve shared a bed with my ex several times since we broke up, and we haven’t had sex despite both being single.
This part sounded a little weird-
The other woman didn’t know about the meeting but she was just standing outside the window in heel position? Why would she be doing that? I’m just picturing that great dane in the PetsMart commercial where the owner leaves the dog tied up outside salavating over a kids ice cream cone. Unless of course she was in on it, and was willing to go along with the threesome that he obviously had planned. Can’t let a good catch like this get away.
Believe me, I’m not making fun of you. I was 23 once and did some things that boggled my mind when I think about them, although sharing a guy wasn’t one of them. You’ve been seeing this guy for a year knowing he’s sleeping with somone else? Did she know it the whole time too? I bet he thinks he won the lotto.
Why do you think he’d even consider not seeing the other person at this point when you’ve accepted it for over a year?
He’s definitely a manipulator. Where exactly did you meet this guy that easily hooks up with much younger women? Please tell me he’s not your boss.
A woman in my office told me a long story about a past boyfriend in which she ignored warning sign after warning sign and wound up getting pulled naked out of bed and handcuffed by the police.
Our genitals are fun but they are stupid. Learn to think with a different organ.
It sounds like the OP has pretty low self-esteem. Dating a sleazeball twice her age, accepting that he’s shagging other women (and if she wasn’t willing to end the relationship over it then she was accepting it, so “liking” it is beside the point). Thinking she’s a bitch if she complains about a known sexual partner sleeping at this guy’s house.
This all smacks of someone who is afraid that she can’t get another boyfriend so she’s willing to put up with Disco Stu rather than be alone.
You can get another guy, Starfish. This guy is a loser. Giraffe was right. Wake up and smell the coffee here.
Well, amusingly, I was going to make some comment on that myself. We have had worse, IIRC, with just warnings being issued, but, what can I say? OTOH, look at it in this light: Giraffe makes a light, obvious, witticism, something that somebody over the age of 6 should take without offense, and was aimed at the jerk, not her, and he gets an F.Y. The malefactor of the OP pulls all these other stunts, and he’s gonna get some loving from SFF tonight, or whenever he isn’t seeing his other lady friend. The OP asks if she should be angry at BF, wanting to know’how to behave around him’ , yet gives Giraffe the bird. Perhaps it is this disproportionate harshness that elicited Giraffe’s response?
Best wishes to all,
hh
You taking pride in your intelligence and your reasonability makes you especially vulnerable to a particular kind of manipulation.
“Oh, you’re so smart”, your lover will say. “You are not dumb and narrowminded and irrational like all those women with their “emotions” and their demands. That’s why I like you so much. At least I can explain to you why what we are doing is perfectly allright, in fact, is much better then what all those other narrowminded people do. You’re one of they few who understands.”
And indeed, for some people such unconventional “free love” does work. But the attitude of your lover raises my hackles when he becomes irritated when you ask perfectly reasonable questions, or try to get him to pay attention to how a particular situation makesyou feel. Bottom line, he tells you, in words and nonverbally, that you are smart as long as you go along and agree with him; and you are unreasonable, paranoid, narrwominded or clingy when you don’t.
That’s manipulation, not love.
In real “free love” relationships, the lovers really care about each others feelings.
Whether one feels provoked or not, personal insults are forbidden in this forum. Under the same circumstances, I too would have warned starfishfillet.
Any further discussion on Giraffe’s official moderator action may be taken to the BBQ Pit, which is the appropriate forum for such discussion.
Honestly, I’d have preferred not to, precisely to avoid the appearance of using my mod status to win a thread scuffle. But saying fuck you to another poster in a non-Pit forum is so unequivocally over the line that I couldn’t look the other way.
Let’s not hijack this thread any more than we have already – I’m more than happy to continue the discussion, but let’s do it in a Pit thread.
Oh, hey Frank. No, I didn’t preview, why do you ask? 
Hold on. Perhaps we’ve been judging him too harshly.
With a name like Disco Stu, he must have SOME good qualities!!! 
Disco Stu! I love it!
hh
“Mmmyeaaaah…Could be!”
If it was legal or within board parameters, I’d suggest you neuter him and flip a coin with the other girlfriend over who gets the dartboard decorated with his nuts.
Of course, thats unacceptable behavior in the real world, so I urge you not to consider that as an option. [Willie Wonka]“Don’t. Stop.” [/Willie Wonka] 
But he needs to be dumped and in a public and humiliating way. A seperate thread requesting ideas on how to do that may help you to achieve that goal.
Also, you really do need to be tested for STDs and the like. Germs and diseases thrive in slime, and SSF, your boyfriend’s Slime. Hopefully, the only thing nasty and permanent that he’s given you are memories of him. Good Luck!
I don’t know your boyfriend, so I’m not going to call him names. He might otherwise be a decent guy, but based on what you’ve said, he is treating you badly. He’s gotten ambitious after having two girls long-term, and now probably feels that’s sort of a right he’s having taken away, rather than something he was doing wrong (not in an absolute sense, of course, but with respect to your desires) and needs to give up immediately… thus he’s not really acknowledging or caring about your objections. At this point, to him, you are probably the bad guy. Pressuring him to give up something he was enjoying and “nagging” him when he doesn’t go at the pace you’d like him to, and he’s pushing his limits because let’s face it-- you were angsty at him rather than LEAVING him when you knew he was continually with another woman. You protest, but you do not take action. Honestly, you don’t drive a very hard bargain and he knows it. Now there is an established dynamic of you yielding to whatever he does and wants with a little whining and tantruming, and this is not good. MANY men-- and not only men-- would gladly exploit such a dynamic without even realizing it.
To me, it seems there is only one way to save this relationship AND your sanity. Put your foot down. Tell him that his being with her, regardless of what he is actually doing or not doing with her, is not something you can deal with. It doesn’t have to be one-sided; you don’t have to make it out so that he feels attacked. All you have to do in a situation like this is say “What you’re doing may not be wrong, but I cannot handle it. If you can’t or won’t stop it, I will leave.” And don’t just say this-- be prepared to follow up on it. If he continues, LEAVE. If you do not do this, if you do not assert yourself in some real and unmistakable way, he will continue to do whatever he wants and you’ll continue to be miserable. And I’m sorry to say it, but it’s a slim chance even if you do… he’s probably so used to it being the way it’s been that if he does ostensibly accept your terms, he’ll probably drift back and you’ll be miserable again.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this; it’s a rough situation. But you’re not helpless, and I hope you’ll take steps to ensure your own happiness.
I think you really, really need to rent Two Girls and a Guy. One of my favorite “conversation” movies. 3 actors, 3 stellar performances, and a situation eerily similar to the OP.
And, in the end, a spine is grown. I won’t say whose.
:eek: That hadn’t crossed my mind.
At first I thought this OP was about me because I have exposed my Girlfiend and a prior GF to the dope but last I heard neither have joined. Now I wasn’t dating two women at once but I have remained friends with my ex. We go to comedy clubs together but other mutual friends are there. I’ve hung out with just my ex because we are friends and I know my GF doesn’t feel comfortable when I do that but (call me childish) I won’t end a friendship with someone just because we had a sexual relationship. I do hope my GF can become friends with or at the minimum accept my ex
Sorry for the Hijack
I don’t know why everyone is jumping all over the boyfriend in this story. What exactly has he done wrong? He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a monogamous relationship, he will continue seeing his “ex” until doomsday, will almost certainly have sex with any other 20-something woman who falls for his moves, and wants to set up a threesome with the various women he’s fucking.
All starfishfillet has to do is decide whether to put up with this behavior, embrace this behavior, or take a hike. She knows exactly what this guy is up for, she knows he is incapable of giving her an exclusive relationship, no matter what he told her, she must know that he’s not going to always tell her the truth. So if she’s willing to throw away her pride, dignity, and self-respect with her eyes wide open, why not?
:dubious: