Now a woman who’ll kiss on a very 1st date,
Is usually a hussy,
And a woman who’ll kiss on the second time out,
Is anything but fussy,
But a woman who’ll wait 'till the 3rd time around,
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground,
She’s the girl he’s glad he’s found,
She’s his Shipoopi.
Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi,
The girl is hard to get.
Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi,
But you can win her yet.
If I may relate another “hard to get” girl story from the girl’s point of view:
My sister is single and has been dating for about two or three years. It has happened a few times now where she meets a guy, dates him two or three times and then things fall apart. The first date goes well, the second does too, but by the end of the second or third date, she is strongly pressured to have sex. She doesn’t consider herself ready for sex and so might spend the night but she lets him know that she is not very experienced and would prefer to take it slow: i.e. wait for a bit to have sex. Considering she meets these guys through mutual friends and such, she doesn’t know the guy except for the two or three dates, so I don’t find this unreasonable. However, these particular guys take her desire to wait to have sex to mean that she is not interested in pursuing the relationship, which is really not the case.
I really think that if a girl is playing hard to get it’s one of three things:
(This is a little personal for me I guess because I’ve never understood the need to have sex right away in a relationship. I waited three months to have sex because that was when I felt like I knew my boyfriend well enough to be that intimate with him. I also married my first boyfriend, so I’m not the most ‘experienced’ in these issues.)
Pardon me while I perform a slight hijack:
If someone could please explain to me how rendering yourself completely vulnerable by relinquishing consciousness in the home and presumably sole company of a relative stranger is somehow a *less * intimate act than simply having sex with him, I’d be grateful.
Oh, and BrainGlutton, that’s going to be stuck in my head all day. Somehow you’ll pay for this. 
Ha. A woman friend of mine once told me that if women were jewel thieves, and they passed by a fabulous mansion loaded with fantastic stuff to steal, but the front door was wide open, they wouldn’t go in, because they’d figure there must be something wrong with it if it’s that easy to get. But if they passed by a crappy shack that obviously contains nothing of value, but there’s a padlock on the door, THEN they’d have to get into that shack.
Also, (2) is usually (1) in disguise. I’ve never had good luck with women who said they were unsure and just needed some time to sort out their own issues. They invariably end up with someone else and all their doubts about relationships seem to magically clear up. “I’m unsure about intimacy” usually means “I’m not that into you”, even if she isn’t consciously aware that that’s what it means.
Well, aside from the fact that I wouldn’t go out with someone who I thought would hurt me or something while I slept next to him, there’s also the basic fact of getting naked.
Getting naked with someone who is a stranger would make me uncomfortable because being naked is being vulnerable. I’m letting this stranger see all of me when I’m not necessarily ready for that. Getting naked with someone who I know and trust, someone who is a friend, makes me proud (for lack of a better word at the moment) because I am letting this person in to see all of me. I know, because I know him, that he’ll like me for all that I am.
Maybe other people place less value than I do on nekkidness. It’s a modern world after all, and I know that I can be less than modern at times. YMMV.
Also, for what it’s worth, I was in fact unsure about intimacy, mainly I think because I started dating so late in life. (I was 22; I think most people start dating in high school). Despite that, my now-husband pursued me because he liked me and I think he understood that I liked him back, I was just "unsure. We’ve been married two years now. I suspect my sister is the same as me and I hope that she finds someone who is willing to pursue as well.
starryspice, I just realized that I sounded a bit condescending, and I didn’t mean to. I was just genuinely baffled.
From my perspective, naked is a little vulnerable, but asleep is utterly defenseless. And I don’t mean that I’m physically afraid of what someone is going to do while I’m sleeping (although honestly it can be a factor. How well do we really know someone after a couple of dates?). I mean that for the most part, my game face stays on during sex unless I choose to take it off. But when I’m asleep, or when I first wake up, I’m out of game face. That to me is a far more vulnerable position to be in.
I can see where you’re coming from, actually. I think I just never dated enough to develop a game face, so at least that wasn’t an issue for me.
Game face? I think I understand what you mean, but it’s not something I whould have thought of.
This sounds to me like you aren’t confident enough to hold a woman’s interest without bringing sex into the equation. There can be plenty of attraction flying back and forth for a while…ever hear of anticipation?
Wondering…what? Whether they’re good in bed? What about knowng the person, and liking them, rather than “hey…sparks!”
And how do you think ‘bad experiences’ come about? Maybe everyone they’ve tried dating got bored with them not putting out on the third date and dropped them? I’m sure that does wonders for their confidence.
So the topic of sex came up. Why does that have to lead to the bedroom? This doesn’t make sense.
This attitude may be fine for dating sites and ads, but you’re spreading the idea that guys want nothing to do with a woman who won’t give it up right away.
If you say so. I’m not seeing it.
I’m not trying to be antagonistic, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. It wasn’t clear from your first post whether you liked him at first or not. You said you didn’t want to go out with him because he was younger than you, not that you liked him but were reluctant to date him. The former is pretty absolute, and the latter gives room for the possibility. I thought you must’ve liked him if you said yes once he was “safe” (whatever that means), but it doesn’t make sense to me that you’d turn him down 60 times if you liked him at all.
What if he had stopped asking you out after the 15th rejection? Would you have asked him out? How did it not get irritating to be asked the same question every day and to have to give him the same answer? What do you mean by “safe”? It wasn’t like he was getting married, and him going out with someone else doesn’t change his age, which was the only reason you said you wouldn’t go out with him.
I’m glad you’re happy, but reading about your relationship left me confused and exhausted.
I think I can explain it with the following exhaustive account of everything I understand about women:
that’s about it
? 
? Then you’re investing too much time thinking about my relationship.
I think there are many 34 year old women who would be reluctant to go out with a 22 year old man, even if they liked him. Of course I liked him. I wouldn’t have talked to him on the phone for 2 months if I didn’t like him. However, liking someone doesn’t necessarily translate into dating them being a good idea. It took him quite a while to convince me that it was.
If he had stopped asking me out after the 15th rejection I wouldn’t have gone out with him. No, I wouldn’t have asked him out. I’ve never asked a man out in my life. And it was irritating. But when someone you like does something irritating, you tend to overlook it. At least I do.
Finally, the “safe” thing seems like a real no brainer to me. If he’s going out with someone else, obviously he’s no longer into me. Of course I was mistaken, but that’s what I thought. I was happy to be his friend, I was just freaked out by the thought of dating him.
I hope that is sufficiently clear that it ameliorates your exhaustion and confusion.
Not really. That just raised even more questions. My SO and I met, started to like each other, admitted it, and got together even though we had a dozen reservations about each other and the relationship. I can’t relate at all to what you describe and I want to understand.
But as you expressed a desire to end the hijack, I’ll just apologize for continuing it and bow out.
? ? Jee-zus. My relationship is different than yours. What’s to understand? You seem to be investing a lot of energy thinking about my SO and I. Cut it out. Really.
Wait, this is getting even more confusing.
What you said before was
If I understand you correctly, this guy told you he would rather go out with you than the 19 year old he had a date with, at which point you concluded that he was “no longer into you”, and agreed to go out with him.
You’re pulling our leg, right?
Shit, my mother married a 29-year-old guy she met … when she was 46. No kidding. They’re still together. He’s okay, even if he is only a year or two older than my older sister.
This thread sure has blown up. Funny how I asked for stories from guys specifically, but got just as many or more from women. Oh well.
Should I post how my date with the woman that started all this kerfluffle goes?
My girlfriend was hard to get, mostly because we lived 16 thousand kilometers appart…
Well, of course!
Yes!