People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? That’s the type of thing that gets a bwahahahahaha from me, especially the idea that anyone would put out after being told something like that. I guess I’m just not a trained monkey that can be easily controlled or manipulated.
Congratulations, alice, I remember you posting about that chap…I also met a younger man who pursued me after a lot of hemming and hawing on my part, and I’m wondering what took me so long to be open to the possibility.
Mine piped up after 2 months with an email that stated “Might I presume there to be a mutual attraction between us or do you suppose this is just something I concoted in my imagination?” (yes, really)
Because apparently he is a Mr. Darcy for the 2000s. I fell off the chair laughing.
I don’t play hard to get or deliberately lead men on and if I don’t think there’s anything there I cut it off pretty quickly rather than waste someone’s effort and time. But, I’ve had some horrible experiences (including dating someone who lied to me about their real name and religion in order to date me) and so I’ve become wary and have a screening process where I know I really like the guy but I want to develop a friendship first so I can figure out his character.
I guess I am old-fashioned and out of step with modern dating mores.
My hard-to-get girl basically swarmed me under on our second date. Even though that date took about a year to happen.Even though it wasn’t really all that much of a date; more like dinner at her place, followed by an ambush. I guess I was the one who had to ‘put out’ on demand. shrug
My wife and I… Well, I weaseled her into bed on our first date. Even though she was the one who asked me out. OK, so she was interested, I still had to be persuasive. No doubt about it, I was agressively intent on getting her into bed, and she was willing to be convinced. I guess she liked it well enough… 18 years later, we’re still together, and still playing similar games (when we have time). Heh… Now that I look back, I may have been her “hard-to-get guy.” When we first met, I was still very much involved with my hard-to-get girl. She had to wait for that relationship to run its course, first - nine or ten months.
Come to think on it, over the years, past highschool, the number of women I went out with where my interest lasted past the fourth date without some kind of over-riding interest, either in her, or in her body, adds up to… Hmmm… Zero. I’m not monk - not now, not then. So, either she had to be a damned good match for me mentally and emotionally, or had to have other inducements to keep me around, or… I wasn’t around. Buuut…Demand…? No. If if a woman wasn’t that interested in me, well, I could, and did, find other women more interested.
I find this very slightly disturbing for some reason.
Doesn’t it kind of undermine the whole “no means no” thing that people have been trying to get across to the persistent for some time? I mean, I’m happy for you that it all worked out and everything,\ after you said ‘yes’, but I can just imagine some pig saying, “See? I was right! She did want it!”
I guess it boils down to a more subtle communication between people than is embodied only in words.
#1 We are all adults… I was 26-28 at this point in my life, its not like we are talking about people saving themselves for marriage.
#2 If you can’t make a call as to whether or not you are willing to go there by the 3rd date (probably a couple weeks after a first meet) you do not find me appealing enough to bother pursuing you much further.
#3 If you you do find me appealing enough to go there, go, lifes too short to wander around wondering.
#4 Hey Opal, how you doin?
#5 If you have “relationship issues” or “bad experiences” that make you a little gunshy, then maybe you are not ready for dating with the big kids quite yet.
#6 Many of these women also did not make it to the third date for one reason or another without the issue even coming up.
#7 These were all online personal ad connections, you usually know who does and does not have/want kids, religious issues, basic socioeconomic background, etc from email and chat exchanges. The cute woman you saw across the bar you still need to figure all that out.
#8 Many women do not expect a man to be as confident as me. I know alot of guys who would sooner peel their own arms with a dull potato peeler than tell a woman you wanted to give her a really really good time. My definition of a really really good time, wondering how you ended up under the fitted sheet, then deciding you dont care and going to sleep.
Now, its not like it was wham bam thank you mam and never call back or something many of those women turned into longer term relationships.
Nothing was ever an outright demand, but if it hadn’t gone there, I made a move, if rejected, I didn’t bother working at it anymore. On many occasions, there was a mutual lack of interest from the get go, no need to even go to a second date, on many other occasions there was obvious chemistry right from the start, and didn’t have to wait for an opportunity.
You would never hear me say anything like, “its the 3rd date, time to put out or I’m not calling you ever again.” That IMHO is just stupid.
I met over 100 women from personal ads over the 3-4 years I was dating, probably 30% of them I didn’t want to sleep with for one reason or another and never made a second date with so its not like I was just taking everything.
I don’t understand this. So did you or did you not want to go out with him at first? If you did, why did you turn him down 60 times? If you didn’t, why did you put up with him asking you out every day for two months? And if you didn’t, how did having to turn him down 60 times not turn you off? And if you didn’t, why would you say ever say yes?
Whew! Glad I’m not the only one who read that and just about had my head explode. I’m wondering if the story is really true. 60 times???!!! If that’s true, it just validated every jerky guy who pesters women over and over after they already said no. I hear women complain so many times about men who keep pestering them for dates. But if that approach actually works, how can you blame them?
Personally, I could never do that, even if it did work.
I met a guy that I wasn’t interested in because of his age. He was very sweet, and very cute, and very funny and I liked him BUT he was MUCH younger than me so I was reluctant to go out with him. He really, really wanted to go out with me, so he kept asking until I said yes.
As far as me only being interested when he had a 19 year old lined up - not so. I tried to talk him out of it. (going out with me) I said he should call her back, she would probably wind up being the mother of his children, you could probably bounce quarters off her ass, etc.
As far as the whole no-means-no thing - well, that apparently runs in my family. My mother moved 2 provinces to get away from my dad and he followed her and proposed and they’ve been married for 38 years. My dad was a creepy stalker too, but apparently it worked for him.
I’m not sure why everyone is jumping my shit about meeting someone really fantastic, and just taking a bit of time to figure out how fantastic he is. FWIW, I’m blissfully happy, so I don’t much care.
Anyhow, I don’t want to hijack this anymore. I suppose if anyone want’s to discuss it further they could PM me, or pit me or something.
As I suspected. I just don’t do body language and subtle clues very well, so I wouldn’t know when the body was saying yes if the mind and voice are saying no.
alice_in_wonderland, it’s just from your words that it sounds like you were pressured into it, not that you took your time to decide, is all. I’m very glad you and he are happy. More power to you.
See, this is why I told Red Barchetta in his thread to let the girl grab him! Nothing subtle about that, unless your life is much more exciting than mine.
Thanks for clarifying drachillix. I guess I can understand “I am putting on my moves and have a timespan in which I expect to hit relationship milestones before I abandon said efforts”-I guess everyone has their own ideas about what milestones and when they should occur. Third date sex still sounds a little herpetic to me but everyone’s mileage does vary.
Then there is something very different about “do X or else”. That’s just all shades of gross, creepy and potential abuser.
Cajoled is probably a better word. Also, I was talking to him everyday. It’s not like he called and I screamed “Drop dead loser!” and slammed down the phone everyday. We would talk for hours and then he would say “When are you going to go out with me?” and I would say “Aw, you know I’m too old for you.” Lather, rinse, repeat.
Anyhow, not that anyone is interested in the minutiae of my relationship - I just wanted to clear up the impression that I was telling the guy to piss off and he kept calling me back. That’s really not how it happened.
Heh… Now that I look back, I may have been her “hard-to-get guy.” When we first met, I was still very much involved with my hard-to-get girl. She had to wait for that relationship to run its course, first - nine or ten months.