For some very small subset of the set “safe”.
Bullshit. I never threatened anyone with it. You shamed me for carrying it where others could see it.
In general, the likelihood of any random man you meet being a threat to you is miniscule. In the specific situation where said man has been drinking, and you’ve invited him into your flat, but with the specific intention of not having sex, the danger is far from that. As I said before, it’s extremely unpleasant and unfair that it’s that way, but that doesn’t make it untrue. If you remember, I was the one in that other thread pointing out how much greater the risk of sexual assault from acquaintances was than from strangers.
To go every day with that sort of fear is irrational. To be reasonably cautious in a specific, risky situation is not. You mentioned not being sure of people’s intentions. Of course you can’t, but one can see what’s most likely. Most of the time, the guy randomly walking near you isn’t thinking about you at all. Most of the time, the guy you’ve been out drinking with and have just invited into your apartment wants to have sex with you.
Yeah, so that guy shouldn’t even notice the pepper spray dangling from my keychain or strapped to my wrist and should totally relax and mind his own business.
Yeah, can’t be nice, can’t trust them even when you tell them explicitly no, huh? Want some syrup with that waffle? Or how bout you finish your breakfast and let each of us plan for our own individual risk assessment and comfort level.
Take this shit back to the other thread. I’ve conveniently linked to it, so you’ll have no trouble doing so.
Boy, did I miss an entertaining thread that has caused multiple other threads to be started, during my Posting Sabbatical.
Nah, I don’t care to watch you flipflop anymore. As I said in the other thread, I’m not going to stop carrying the non-deadly defensive pepper spray in plain sight of dogs, other hikers, runners, and park patrons just because you have a phobia and can’t mind your own business.
And your high-minded opinions of what MOL *should have done *are just as worthless. Most guys don’t act like that, most guys would appreciate the kindness, take no for an answer, and be cool. She did nothing wrong. Nothing.
I’m new and didn’t know I had to subscribe to this threat so I’m a few comments back. Sorry guys. I’d like to be part of your discussion.
Also, when I say sluts … I could actually be called a “slut” from my younger days of sexual exploration with men who I knew didn’t mentally challenge me and had no future for me. I just needed sex. But, always, I was clear - sex or no sex - and I didn’t get too drunk to be aware to say that.
I think men or women who use the “date drug” should get special punishment like becoming “farrow” and not being let on the streets for at least 30 years. How dare a person violate someone’s body without their permission … as like a rapist … and have a “life” after that. One’s body, soul and spirit are all a person has on this earth and to steal a third of a person; a third of the rapist should be stolen.
I would appreciate a reply to my former comment about six comments back. Sorry for being a nubby.
Stay outside the ropes, punk. You’ll learn nothing here about dating or women.
No, wait, learn this: No means no and there’s zero wiggle room unless you want to earn a felony conviction and a lifetime membership on the sex offender registry. Got it?
Well, make up your mind…
And btw I’m firmly on the side of women carrying mace/pepper spray around. It’s less likely to kill someone than a Glock, and I wonder what MOL’s conversation with “Roofie Ron” would’ve been like if she’d calmly explained the rules to him while playing with the safety cap on a canister of mace.
eta: As a guy, I’d like to say that we NEED the rules clearly explained, because we’re infinitely capable of deluding ourselves into thinking that you’re just as enamored of us as we are … 
You hush, you! 
I just got caught up on some of your low-life comments about mental illness!!!
Most of the idiot men who take advantage of women simply feel entitled because they are arrogant and have no respect for women in general. It has NOTHING to do with mental illness!!! Only STUPID people like you through around comments about mental illness … would you through around comments like Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, Muscular Dystrophy or other illnesses that disable individuals??? It is stupid people like you who try to blame mental illness for lack of inpulse control, self-esteem, poor choice, drunkenness, no respect for other men or women, having no interests in life other than planting yourselves in front of the TV, never considering being a volunteer to help people less fortunate than yourself … no
let’s blame those who might “harm” us on mental illness. No, it is people like you who hurt each other in drunken black outs or using bad judgements!! HOW DARE YOU BLAME MENTAL ILLNESS when there is sooooooooooooooooooo much proof that over 90 percent of gun crime involves alcohol use … not any mental illness. In fact, less than 1 percent of crime involves mental illness.
Maybe this discussion threat is too stupid for me!!!
Well…I guess you were right. Nothing here to learn except the definition of the term “no”, which I’ve known since I was a little kid anyway.
Honestly, I don’t think the OP did anything wrong. All she did was be nice and let him into the apartment so he didn’t get wet in the rain. She had already made it clear that she didn’t want to go any further. I don’t even know why this is up for debate.
You got it. Remember when you posted some stuff from a dating coach/Pick-up Artist website? Those places, like some guys here, are full of directives to persist in trying to have sex even if women say no. It’s not worth gambling on. Wait to have sex only with women who are willing and eager to please you. It will be worth it, I promise.
And I agree, she did nothing wrong.
Troppus,
I like you. Amelia999
amelia999, I’m kind of a smartass and I’ve got a shitty attitude about a lot of things that others tolerate just fine. But I genuinely like most people and believe that we can do better. Don’t let the tard comments get to you; people are just blowing off steam here and wouldn’t talk this way in real life. Some of the people with foul mouths (me included) have persons in our life who we love and respect with differing levels of emotional and physical development. You’re right, the world is a better place when we don’t diminish others, and we shouldn’t do this. But it will probably continue when people feel passionately and get a little angry, so…
The other forums are usually kinder and gentler, and you’ll find like-minded people who will fight to the death over derogatory words. You’ll find some people who will fight to the death over minor grammatical errors, too, but we probably shouldn’t call them names, either.
I think it would be good to show some of the old movies … the better ones … in a culture class to young people in schools to get an idea of what life was “kind of” like in those days. Now, I understand, that the movies idealized life. I grew up in a very isolated situation on a family farm in Central WI thinking all women in city had baby sitters because in the old movies they all had baby sitters. Yeah, right. Only the glamor women had baby sitters. But, there are some excellent movies that talk about the Depression, engagement and courting process, etc. Wouldn’t it be nice for young boys and girls to have images other than what they have now, as long as the movies aren’t too far out?
What do you think? I think it would ad another demention to their lives. Also, they don’t get taught art or the reasoning and history behind it at a young enough age. Why is this only taught at college level? I think grade school children could relate, if taught properly, to interpret it in their own manner.
Our grade-school children need a sense of history beyond the immediate American because the news and talk is now world-wide. Maybe if they could see beyond their country and neighborhoods, they could dream and talk about bigger ideas.
Thanks for your reply. But, most will discover that I am a pretty tough cookie since I have been through a lot in life but one of the few left with ideals.
But, I did like how you shut down the guy who tried to find every way around the concept of “no means no.” Because it very much means “no” with men and/or women and the fun is the romance of flirting. People just don’t get it. Sure, I’ve had a one-night stand … but I planned it as that because I knew “he wasn’t the one.” And, I think guys that same way. But, there was no pressure either way … we were both clearly saying “yes” which is how it should be. What I hate is that damned drug which doesn’t give a person an option to say yes or no. That is purely a mental sick illness … using another person’s body without there permission. No, mentally healthy person would do that because a mental healthy person doesn’t need drugs to find someone to be gentle and caring to. We, as all humans who aren’t arrogant jerks (plenty out there) appreciate gentle and caring. It may take a while, but we want you.
You know what the beauty of maturity and communication is? We can have it both ways. One night stands or long term romances that are slow to develop. The idea that a guy has the power to seduce a weak-willed female stranger ought to remain a fantasy unless he’s damn sure he has her 100% consent.
Ambivalid, assuming you’re on the up and up and are genuinely confused as to why people are bringing up handicapped parking spaces and the like, lemme help you.
Though there have been great advances in the past century-ish, women still face sexism, discrimination and the like, yes? And all other things being equal*, women face more of those than men?
Second, would you agree that people with disabilities, as a group, face challenges and discrimination that those without disabilities never need to worry about? I’d hope so.
So now, think about how the kind of advice you’ve given here would come across to, say, a person who uses a wheelchair and deals with assholes who park in handicapped spot out of laziness:
Your advice/attitude boils down to “yeah, that shit is wrong and sucks. Hopefully one day we’ll live in a world where assholes who do that don’t exist. But until that happens, just accept that you’re limited in what you can do.”
That’s why people are snarking about handicapped spaces, dude. Your advice would apply to YOU when you encounter a handicapped spot stealer (or a gym not having equipment you can use, or whatever) just as much as it would to women meeting men. Yet, as you have shown many times on this board, you refuse to accept that bullshit and will directly confront spot stealers and call them on their shit. By your own advice, that’s not wise (you could get assaulted or harassed by the asshole) and you should just park in a standard spot and wistfully hope for the day those assholes don’t exist.
So why is it different for women who just want to be able to go out and live their lives without either risking assault/harassment or limiting their perfectly legal and normal activities to a ridiculous extent?
- Meaning: compare a man and a woman of the same race, class background, education, etc. etc. Don’t compare, say, Natalie Portman (daughter of a doctor and artist, Harvard-educated, incredibly gorgeous successful actress) with like, a mentally ill homeless Vietnam vet from a poor family who got drafted out of high school).