Guys, Y U no listen?

[treis]

How I Met Your Mother is not shitty.

[ladyfoxfyre]

Disagreed.

[Troppus]

@treis

This is how the dating world works. I believe there have been exactly three recorded instances of a woman inviting a man on the first date back to her apartment with the explicit purpose to have sex. To paraphrase Robin from How I Met Your Mother: “A Lady invents a respectable excuse to invite a man over when she wants to get stuck real good. It’s called class”. Her complaint is essentially “I sent mixed signals and a guy got the wrong idea”. YAWN

What’s a signal?

[colander]

@treis

How I Met Your Mother is not shitty.

sorry but it is a hacky piss-sodden mess :(

[ZipperJJ]

@panaccione

I’m interested to see if you’re you g to offer any solutions of your own.

Chaperoned courting, nothing less.

[treis]

@Troppus

What’s a signal?

Inviting someone up to your apartment on a flimsy pretext.

[ladyfoxfyre]

And that’s what happens when you try to interpret “signals” that fly in direct conflict with what she is saying to your goddamned face. You play a big, embarrassing game of “how is her ‘no’ actually a ‘yes’ instead?” and people get to call you a jackass on the internet.

[panaccione]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

Prostitution is not a viable solution, because we already have it and it’s not working. I’ve seen no good research establishing a link between common prostitution and low rates of sexual assault or harassment. For your hypothesis to be worthwhile, it must at minimum predict such a link, yes?

Here’s my solution: change sex ed to include very clear information on consent. MeanOldLady’s posts in this thread could be part of the curriculum.

And I’m only slightly joking. I’m very unlikely ever to have a son, but I’ve long thought that if I did, I’d make such issues integral to my son’s sex ed, and they’ll certainly be a big part of what I teach my daughters when the time comes. A school curriculum that doesn’t teach kids exactly what consent means and how to navigate the murky waters of understanding and giving consent is failing our kids. The OP is exhibit A.

Edit: colander, I was thinking of offering a similar solution

We do not. It’s illegal and dangerous.

I will search for such a cite, though.

[treis]

@ladyfoxfyre

And that’s what happens when you try to interpret “signals” that fly in direct conflict with what she is saying to your goddamned face. You play a big, embarrassing game of “how is her ‘no’ actually a ‘yes’ instead?” and people get to call you a jackass on the internet.

Isn’t dating fun?

[ladyfoxfyre]

You’re not dating right now, though. You’re trying to explain to someone who is telling you what her intentions were, who told him what her intentions were, that she is nonetheless guilty of leading him to believe something entirely different.

[panaccione]

@colander

that is some buffalo bill shit right there

who else lives in you, pannacione

Huh?

[Troppus]

@treis

Inviting someone up to your apartment on a flimsy pretext.

She didn’t put out, so how flimsy was that “premise” again? Oh, and the “nothing’s going to happen” statement, was that one of your esoteric, debatable signals, too?

[panaccione]

@ZipperJJ

Chaperoned courting, nothing less.

Fantastic idea

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@panaccione

We do not. It’s illegal and dangerous.

FFS, we do have it, and yes, it’s illegal, and yes, there’s some modicum of danger attached to it. But we do have prostitution in our world, and judging from the local police blotter enough customers to keep a crapload of prostitutes in business. Whether it’s illegal, whether it’s dangerous has nothing to do with whether we have it

I agree that prostitution would be better if it were legalized and regulated, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with the situation here. Being unable to obtain safe, legal sex with a preferred partner is beside the point and focuses attention on the wrong place. It should, instead, be focused on changing our culture such that assholes like this are universally mocked instead of condoned by elbows to the ribs and leering, “Can’t blame a guy for trying!” bullshit.

Attempts to understand him as a poor little blue ball are part of the problem.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@treis

Her complaint is essentially “I sent mixed signals and a guy got the wrong idea”. YAWN

@MeanOldLady

So I’m not one to beat around the bush, I’m not one to mislead, and so I made it very clear to him that while I understand whenever a date invites you up for any reason (to meet her cat, to check out her art collection, to watch that movie she was telling you about), it’s a poorly veiled excuse to make with the funny business, but this was NOT the case. The case here is he’s been cool beans and I didn’t want to have him standing in the pouring rain with no umbrella waiting for a cab for 15 min. He says he understands fully and thanks me for being nice about it.

What was that signal mixed with?

[treis]

@Troppus

She didn’t put out, so how flimsy was that “premise” again? Oh, and the “nothing’s going to happen” statement, was that one of your esoteric, debatable signals, too?

Are you arguing that a woman inviting a man to her apartment late at night on a flimsy pretense isn’t a signal she wants to get stuck real good, or are you arguing that this particular premise was relatively sturdy?

[colander]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

FFS, we do have it, and yes, it’s illegal, and yes, there’s some modicum of danger attached to it. But we do have prostitution in our world, and judging from the local police blotter enough customers to keep a crapload of prostitutes in business. Whether it’s illegal, whether it’s dangerous has nothing to do with whether we have it

I agree that prostitution would be better if it were legalized and regulated, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with the situation here. Being unable to obtain safe, legal sex with a preferred partner is beside the point and focuses attention on the wrong place. It should, instead, be focused on changing our culture such that assholes like this are universally mocked instead of condoned by elbows to the ribs and leering, “Can’t blame a guy for trying!” bullshit.

Attempts to understand him as a poor little blue ball are part of the problem.

no, a man’s penis inevitably leads him on a bloody trail of rape and ruin, on which he can only gaze in horror, powerless to stop or to prevent

it’s true. i saw it on Charles In Charge

[Troppus]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

What was that signal mixed with?

Internet balls. It’s like internet muscle, except with added delusions, entitlement, and a hefty dose of womanhate stirred in.

[ladyfoxfyre]

@treis

Are you arguing that a woman inviting a man to her apartment late at night on a flimsy pretense isn’t a signal she wants to get stuck real good, or are you arguing that this particular premise was relatively sturdy?

If she specifically tells you that you’re coming up to use the phone to call a cab so you don’t wait in the rain, and then GTFO, any “pretense” is completely fabricated inside your brain. Maybe you should stop applying sitcom themes to real life and real life will stop being so confusing when it doesn’t match up to Big Bang Theory or whatever.

[treis]

You didn’t answer my question