Haiku Madness Part Deux

It requires more force
To crush a toilet paper
Lengthwise than to . . . what?

Lengthwise than to . . . what?
Whatever you wish, I’d say;
still a free country.

Still, a free country
Can’t possibly be as good
As the paid version

As the paid version
costs just 'way too much for me,
I’ll take the free one.

“I’ll take the free one”.
“Sorry - ‘Buy One, Get One Free’
Doesn’t work like that.”

Doesn’t work like that;
it works like this, see? Not like
sparrows in moonlight.

Sparrows in moonlight?
All dead! And never to be
Spoken of again

Spoken of again?
It must be that song “Rio”
By Duran Duran.

By Duran Duran
In New York New York
Ate mahi-mahi

Ate mahi-mahi
and couscous with Yo-Yo Ma;
it was quite delish!

It was quite delish
But would have been improved with
Some agar agar

“Some agar agar”?
I typed “Sammy Hagar”! Damn
My autocorrect!

My autocorrect
Or as I like to call it:
Damn autocarrot.

Damn Autocarrot:
character in Transformers’s
next big action flick

Next big action flick
“Skunkman versus the Stinkbug”
With Smell-O-Vision!

With Smell-O-Vision
Our movies are finally
Well suited for dogs.

Well-suited for dogs,
perhaps, but not for those damn
sparrows in moonlight

Sparrows in moonlight
Aren’t going away, are they
Wait, where’s my shotgun?

Wait, where’s my shotgun?
I’m starting to feel threatened.
Put up the bird net.

Put up the bird net.
The blueberries are almost
Ripe enough to eat.