At Lady GaGa’s
Chairs look like embryos and
glitter’s everywhere
Glitter’s everywhere,
but glitter turns bitter in
these stolen moments.
These stolen moments
A pickpocketer’s daydream
Five finger discount
Five finger discount
Unless you like firecrackers;
Just call me “Stumpy”.
Just call me “Stumpy.”
I used to juggle chainsaws
not anymore though!!
Not anymore though!
That’s what she said when I said
we ought to make love.
We aught to make love
I said to my gorgeous wife
Then I fell asleep.
Then I fell asleep
And woke up in a bathtub
With one kidney gone
With one kidney gone
Organ donor transplanting
works quickly nowdays
Works quickly nowdays,
that booze does. A sixpack and
I’m out like a light.
I’m out like a light.
When I was thinner I was
off like a prom dress.
Off like a prom dress
You make like a tree and leave
vamoose to splittsville
vamoose to splittsville
And let the door hit you where
The Good Lord split you.
“The Good Lord split you,”
Stated Chang & Eng’s mother,
“Wait, no He didn’t.”
“Wait, no he didn’t.
The garbageman skipped this house.
Two weeks in a row.”
A true story – I’m guessing he either has an illicit sex partner or a drug connection along the route, and “forgets” our residence as a result. Oh well, it’s “too late to send him back out now”, as Brenda so helpfully informed me.
Two weeks in a row
Sternvogel garbage did grow
so ripe and fragrant
so ripe and fragrant
I ate the cantaloupe and
got listeria.
“Got listeria?”
Good question for health, but a
Lousy ad campaign
Lousy ad campaign
To get laid, give her Quervo
At least their honest
At least their honest
Views are legal in this country
Even if God hates it.