Haiku Madness

True friends are stronger
A friend will do anything
But what about Dad?

But what about Dad?
When I want money, he says
“Go ask your mother!”

“Go ask your mother!
Asshole, don’t ask me nothin!”
Hey, screw you old man.

“Hey screw you old man!”
I yelled at the hardware store
He sold me a bolt

He sold me a bolt
No lightning, only a bolt
Now I need a nut

Now I need a nut
to replace the one they took:
Orchiectomy

Orchiectomy
No thank you, sir, not for me
I’ll keep mine, thank you

I’ll keep mine, thank you.
It may not be much, but it’s
the only brain I’ve got

The only brain I’ve got
Challenged, that it is, indeed
My heart is fine, though

My heart is fine, though
Now that I really have one.
Said the Tin Woodsman

Said the Tin Woodman,
Who was played by Jack Haley,
Old song-and-dance man.

Old song-and-dance man
Mr. Bojangles can dance
He needs some culture

He needs some culture.
Take him out to a ballgame!
A concert works, too.

A concert works, too
A theater show, a play
Stay home, watch TV

Stay home, watch TV
There are many good shows on
Like uh… read a book

Like uh … read a book
It never hurts to look, before, jump
How high is the plane?

How high is the plane?
Ophidiophobia–
Fear of snakes on it.

Fear of snakes on it.
Get Samuel L. Jackson.
Had it with these snakes!

Had it with these Snakes
Nothing But Smoke and Black Fluff
Break out the Real Stuff

Break out the Real Stuff
Let’s drink, drink to what? World Peace?
Punxsutawney Phil