Christmas came early,
But so did Winter: I told
You it was coming.
You it was, coming
Into view from far away.
A sight for sore eyes.
A sight for sore eyes
I wept when I first found that
Bottle of Visine
Bottle of Visine
Vital for bovine udders
Under quarantine.
Under quarantine
regulations byzantine
bound his brigantine
bound his brigantine
stole his mainsail 'cause he liked
the cut of his jib
The cut of his jib
And the break of his rib did
Do him in the end.
Do him in the end
Then he’ll do you in the end
Then, a restful nap
Then: a restful nap.
Eight hours later: a trank, please.
Sleeping is so hard.
Sleeping is so hard
Since 7-11 sells
Big Gulp espressos
Big Gulp espressos
For sale here. Wakie wakie
Hands off your snakie.
Hands off your snakie?
I was born a snake handler
and I’ll die a snake…
and I’ll die a snake…
Are you looking good, just like
A snake in the grass
A snake in the grass
Is that euphemism for
A worm in the lawn?
A worm in the lawn
Came up for some air. No help
From dear dog above.
From Dear Dog: Above
You I am. I drop my shit.
You pick it up, bitch.
You pick it up, bitch.
Bash the binkie out my mouth.
Mommie, you ingrate!
Mommie, you ingrate!
I cook and I clean for you!
Oh wait, that’s backwards
Oh wait that’s backwards
She said to me with a smile
Pushed me into drive.
Pushed me into “Drive,”
'cause I was stuck in the mud.
She was SO not pleased.