She was SO not pleased
When I inquired about
Her baby’s due date
Her baby’s due date
Is not something we’re sure of
Is there a sticker?
Is there a sticker
That says ‘I am a dumbass’?
Put it on your chest
Put it on your chest:
It says, “My eyes are up here.”
Arrow points to face.
Arrow points to face
Historians say that’s what
George Custer died from
George Custer died from
time to time when mirror showed
his hat was askance.
His hat was askance,
Bowtie oblique, spats aslant,
Cummerbund busted.
Cummerbund busted
My favorite line from Love Shack
Love B-52s
Love B-52s
And I stopped worrying as
Maj. Kong rides the bomb
Maj. Kong rides the bomb
All the way. They looked for Kong’s
body. Slim pickins.
Body slim. Pickins
All over. Rotten stub teeth.
Methamphetamine.
Methamphetamine.
Break up with Crystal. You can’t
Balance imbalance.
Balance imbalance.
What about drinking Ensure?
I’m sure it’s better.
I’m sure it’s better
To give than to receive, so
Gimme some money
“Gimme Some Money”:
Wasn’t that a Stones’ album?
Like, “Stinky Fingers”?
Methamphetamine.
Break up with Crystal. You can’t
Balance imbalance.
Balance imbalance
like stinky fingers, I’m sure
it’s better than crack.*
*There, has that got us all caught up? 
It’s better than crack,
And you won’t get hooked. Try it.
The first one’s on me.
The first one’s on me.
And the second one’s on you.
Ain’t sex with twins fun?
Ain’t sex with twins fun?
Depends what’s done with the gum.
Double your pleasure.