Haiku Madness

Who snapped naughty pics?
Granddad would’ve cleaned your clock.
You pay royalties.

You pay royalties
To access assets. But to
Act like an ass? Free!

Act like an ass-free
constituency; vote in
a decent leader.

A decent leader,
Hook, bait, sinker, dangle and
Wait to be swallowed.

Wait to be swallowed
You must first become fluent
In borborigmy

In bororigmy
Our inner flatus mutters
The poems of gas

The poems of gas
Might make you light in the head
But this too shall pass

But this too shall pass
Please tell my wife, who endures
My novels of gas

My novels of gas
Are more regular than my
Regularity.

Regularity:
It doesn’t suck you into
the accretion disk.

The accretion disk
Is where I slap my surf board.
Want tales from the tube?

Want “Tales From The Tube”?
That shrieking puppet in Jams?
At least he won’t drown.

At least he won’t drown
He doesn’t know how to swim?
My bad; he will drown.

my bad; he will drown
I forgot all about his
lead-lined underwear

Lead-lined underwear
Ruined my grandpa’s business.
He sold X-ray specs.

He sold X-ray specs
To kids at the carnival
Who now have tumors

Who now have tumors
Spread by placebo rumors
And useless treatment?

And use less treatment,
OK? You don’t need the 10
Gallon Rogaine vat.

Gallon Rogaine vat
To make my hair grow thicker
including nose, ears

Including nose, ears:
Twenty-three appendages.
Uh, wait a minute.